UN Climate summit ignores imminent Santana, Rob Thomas sequel to Smooth

Welp, we’re screwed. Two days after the damning climate report from the U.N., in which the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) announced that the planet would inevitably heat 1.5 degrees Celsius over the next 20 years, legendary guitarist Carlos Santana dropped another bombshell: It’s going to feel like “seven inches from the mid-day sun” even sooner than we think. According to a tweet, Santana and former collaborator Rob Thomas plan to raise temperatures significantly by the end of the month, via the release of a follow-up to their 1999 hit “Smooth.”

Santana said the upcoming single “Move” was created with “divine intelligence” but offers no information on how he plans for the planet to “stay so cool.” Nevertheless, he and Thomas plan on moving forward with the single anyway, despite the IPCC’s findings.

“’Move’ came about very much like how “Smooth” happened, it was like divine intelligence behind the scenes, and I knew I had to record it with @ThisIsRobThomas,” Santana tweeted. “The song is about awakening your molecules. Ignite and activate yourself. Together, we have a sound that’s splendiferous.”

The song lands on radio stations on August 18, with a full-length album, Blessings And Miracle, to follow on October 15. That timeline gives governments around the world approximately one week to best determine how to reduce global temperatures drastically. Nations worldwide, who have thus far unsuccessfully curbed fossil-fuel emissions usage, and were likely unprepared for Santana’s announcement, have yet to respond.

With a frank disregard for the effects of climate change on the natural world, Rob Thomas responded to Santana’s tweet with emoji sunglasses. While it’s unclear whether Thomas has a plan for the aftermath of “Move”’s release, he suggests that this sprite will be enough to make us feel like an “ocean under the moon.” So how are emoji sunglasses supposed to keep us safe from extreme weather, wildfires, and rising sea levels, Rob

Released in 1999, “Smooth” is an understudied and unrecognized contributor to the rise of global temperatures. While no scientific studies have been conducted on the effects of Santana’s blazing guitar solos and Thomas’ sultry vocals, 19 of the warmest years in modern history have occurred in the wake of the song’s release—so, you do the math. All we can say is, if we want to cool the planet, please, Mr. Santana, don’t do this. In the meantime, we can only hope that his reckless behavior doesn’t inspire another “Maria, Maria.”