Fartbarf, Neon Piss, and more: the year in band names 2012

What does it take to stand out in the crowded world of music Good songs The right look A record label and management who know what they’re doing Maybe. Or you could just have a preposterous name and save yourself all the trouble. With the beginning of each new year, The A.V. Club keeps a list of funny, dumb, terrible, or otherwise noteworthy band names that we encounter. Plenty of these bands barely have a web presence, much less a manager, and they stood out way more than others who have a “team” working for them. Our advice: Ditch all of it and choose a name like Nihilist Cunt. You’re welcome.

New for 2013: Want to suggest an addition to next year’s round-up Email [email protected].

Kind of genius

Fartbarf

Singer Josh McLeod explained to LA Weekly: “Farting is funny, barfing is painful, so those two verbs seem to fit well with the music we make. It also sets a very low bar when people come to see us, so it actually helps, because it sounds like an 11 year old’s punk band.” He adds later that “Fifty percent of the people literally can’t pronounce those two words combined.”

Hookers Made Out Of Cocaine

Lyrics from “Skot Thompson”: “I know your name / I’m gonna fuck you up! / Skot Thompson!”

Bad name, terrible band photo

SEP7EMBER

Sunflower Dead

Whispers Of Wonder

They may sound like another metal/screamo band, but they call it “melodic wondercore.”

Not to be confused with whispersofwonder.com/.net, “Discovering the wonder of God’s love in everyday life.”

The Prep School Tragedy

Can anything top this incredibly douchey band photo

Why yes, its mind-blowingly terrible video:

Eyeconoclast

Portmanteaustic!

ApotheCarrioN

The band’s website describes its sound as “alchemic death metal,” or as its Facebook page says: “The overall view is ApotheCarrioN; A deranged Alchemist with an affinity for Metempsychosis, the transition of the soul and the process of new life in a new vessel.” Although its influences are “Inner Madness combined with Ill-Tempered Disgust,” the first line on ApotheCarrioN’s bio is “We are a professional minded band with a ‘Do it yourself’ mentality.” Ill-tempered disgust, yes, but professionally so!

Stratospheerius

The band’s Facebook page claims frontman Joe Deninzon has been called “the Jimi Hendrix of the violin,” but a quick Google search of that phrase brings up a couple dozen results for violinist Eileen Ivers, upon whom The New York Times supposedly bestowed that very title! And The Washington Post called her “the future of the Celtic fiddle”! There’s only one way to settle this: a “Devil Went Down To Georgia”-type duel. (Although maybe Jimi Hendrix was the Jimi Hendrix of the violin.)

Hypster

“When you think of thumping futuristic beats mixed with full on yet stylish electro, one name stands out from the rest: Hypster.” So true. Hypster is also the name of a playlist-oriented social-media site.

The Cheebacabra

Bananarchy

“The current recordings on this page are demos and are merely meant to show roughly what we sound like. Once we have actual band recordings you will be blown away!” Band interests: “Ice surfing and church burning of course.”

Not to be confused with The Bananarchists from Orange County. (Band interests: “Del taco is pretty good.”)

Sarchasm

That’s “the gulf between the author of ironic wit and the reader who doesn’t get it,” according to the band’s Facebook page. Also: “Sarchasm’s beginning months were spent writing, rehearsing, fine-tuning and refining what would become what their parents call their ‘classic Sarchasm’ songs.”

Ahleuchatistas

The name is a portmanteau of the Charlie Parker song “Ah-Leu-Cha” and Zapatistas, the Mexican revolutionary movement. It’s also very difficult to spell and pronounce, which is always a good idea when naming your band.

Metalllllll

Encoffination

Album: O’ Hell, Shine In Thy Whited Sepulchres. Check out “Inurnment Of Fleshless Disembodied Remains,” if you’re not too sick of hearing it at wedding receptions:

Dragged Into Sunlight

Malicious Dismemberment

Lyrics for “Out There,” posted on its Facebook page: “Hit the floor, look up high at the sky / feel small, motherfucker / feel like a speck / feel like dust / feel like something not worth living, motherfucker”

The devil

Satan’s Wrath

Album: Galloping Blasphemy

Bio: “Relentless blasphemy, unholy sacraments of evil made by dwellers of the twilight, horrors that will make priests vomit in agony, abominations that the prophecies of old kept hidden!!! SATAN’S WRATH is the only band in the world in communication with thy master through ceremonial black magic and necromantic rituals.”

Skating For Satan

Bandcamp URL: fuckvnecks.bandcamp.com

Song titles: “Leave Your V-Neck Home,” “Skate Against The Church,” none longer than 46 seconds.

Dark name, bro

Darkness By Oath

Psychology Of Genocide

Featuring ex-members of Cookie Mongoloid! Live video of “Fuck Mac World”:

Burning Streets

The Suicide Of Western Culture

Songs: “This Is The Last Time I Shake Your Hand,” “A Forest Of Greyhounds Hanged,” “Love Your Friends, Hate Politicians”

Disfiguring The Goddess

Two “bands” claim the name—quotation marks because one admits “DTG will never ever play a show. It’s not a real band.” Another is a death-metal band from California who has songs with names like “Feeding Of Nihility” and “Abrogation’s Crown”

Metallic Taste Of Blood

VERY SERIOUS

Strength By Conviction

About: “Que paso juicehead”

Strengthen What Remains

Looking At My Enemy

Addiction To Affliction

Nihilist Cunt

Song: “Relationshits”

Creepy

Blondes Make Better Victims

The name apparently comes from an Alfred Hitchcock quote.

Uncle Bad Touch

They changed their name to UBT. Lame!

Gross

Traumatic Anal Devastation

Best known for interrupting a Newt Gingrich rally in Las Vegas in February with their music, which a staffer for the former House Speaker described as “the sound of a tank driving through a minefield.” Well done.

Vaginal Defecation

Description: “OFFENSIVE BRUTAL OLD SCHOOL DEATH / BLACK METAL….if your asshole isnt [sic] stretched and the smell of Putrescence does not infest your genitals, then we are doing something wrong.”

Blood Shit

Neon Piss

Piss N’ Blood

Ugh

The Saddest Landscape

Song titles: “The Weight Of The World And Every Dress You Wore,” “Wishlist For The Drowning,” “Kiss Like A Miracle,” “The Temptation That Is You,” “We Were Dancing An Hour Before We Met”

A Troop Of Echoes

Bio excerpt: “With no local saxophone-driven rock scene to latch onto, the Troop ventured into the wild.”

Until Your Heart Stops

TKTTSM

If your name were The Kiss Tried To Smack Me, you’d use an acronym too.

Bio: “Johanna Stahley and Owen O’Mahony make music together. They are really good friends, but sometimes Johanna wants to kill Owen.”

The Hugs

From Portland, Oregon, as if that weren’t obvious.

Edens Edge

Winner, Longest Band Bio: 1,371 words, which doesn’t include the individual bios for all three members, which clock in at 1,537, 2,893 (the singer’s, of course), and 1,235 words each. That’s 11,036 altogether. For comparison, the Led Zeppelin Wikipedia page is only 6,845 words.

A Nice Vibe

From San Francisco, of course. It’s the work of Greg Charles, whose smooth love songs seem constructed from karaoke backing tracks. He thanks listeners in a seven and a half minute video on his site, where he stands in front of green-screen footage of San Francisco and spends the better part of a minute rattling off all the countries he apparently has fans in. It almost seems like the work of Tim & Eric, especially when he mentions that A Nice Vibe is No. 1 on something called the San Francisco Pop Chart—um, on ReverbNation, a website for musicians to promote their work. That’s probably where A Nice Vibe’s supposed No. 8 on the “U.S. Pop Chart” happened too, considering Billboard has no record of A Nice Vibe. Best to take the “Grammy nominated” note on its Facebook page with a grain of salt, too. A press release from A Nice Vibe’s label, Cut The Bull Entertainment, explains “The album has already put him on the Grammy ballot list in five categories for the nomination process.” So it was a on a list for the ballot for nominations What an honor! All of this nonsense is the result of Cut The Bull’s Al Walser, who recently made headlines for somehow gaming his way to a Grammy nomination.

Downfall Of Gaia

Album: Suffocating In The Swarm Of Cranes

Blessed Feathers

The History Of Apple Pie

Peanut Butter Lovesicle

Maidens Sorrow

According to the ReverbNation chart, Maidens Sorrow is No. 3 on the punk chart for Ione, California! Get on it, Cut The Bull Entertainment!

Forever Came Calling

A Heavy Feather

Album: You’re The Lotion On Darkness As It Punches Light In The Face

The ReMINDers

Drowning With Our Anchors

Laughing Prophets Of Doom

[pagebreak]

Radical

Rad Company

Born To Be Rad

“Four laid back dudes in a loose partyin’ mood making some pop punk!” Was that bio written by @DadBoner

“Fuck”

Fucktard

You probably remember their song “Fist Fuck The Pope.”

Mothercountry Motherfuckers

Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire

Crooked As Fuck

“WERE A HARD PITTING, STAGE DIVING, PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE, KICK A MOD IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD, SPIT ON YOUR BOSS, FUCK HIS WIFE, RIP OFF YOUR CHURCH, HAVE AN EXTRA ABORTION, JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT, FUCK A LITTLE MORMON BOY, BURN DOWN YOUR SCHOOL, PISS YOUR PANTS, RUN DOWN A RETARD, SAVE A DOG, STAB A POSER, DRINK SOME COORS,SHIT IN YOUR HAND, AND THEN MAKE YOUR BUDDY A SANDWICH, CURSE SOME FUCKER OUT, AND MORE TO COME LATER!! TRUST ME YOU’LL LIKE IT.”

Fat Fuxxx

Symbols

++++

Winner, Google Evasion Award

Animals

Androgynous Elk

Song: “Galileo Reaches Mind Capacity”

Sleepy Turtles

“The songs creak with the thaw of an old church pew drawing joy in wandering harmonies and stories that are sewn by hands covered in earth, filling the bones of the songs as ambience backlights the fluttering travels of shared existence.”

We Killed The Lion

Thus:Owls

A Fucking Elephant

Twitter bio: “A Fucking Elephant sounds like drug induced crime. Harsh sonic destruction, dope soaked and wow.” Sample tweet: “Greg made it through an entire interview without talking about Korn.”

Wrinkle Neck Mules

The Dogs Divine

Ultraviolet Hippopotamus

“Described as ‘brightening the future of the jam band scene,’ Ultraviolet Hippopotamus mixes tight, funky jams with new dance beats, heartfelt lyrics, compelling composition, eccentric effects and a vibrant light show for an incredible, one-of-a-kind musical experience.”

Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs

If your real name was Orlando Higgenbottom, you’d perform under some goofy name too.

Stealing Sheep

The Japonize Elephants

Thousand Foot Whale Claw

Gashcat

Proper names

The Faith Hills Have Eyes

Bio: “Gordon sent Aaron some riffs. Aaron loved the riffs, and they called Nick. Tyler has arrived to bring the thunder. The band is now real and damn near uncriticizeable.”

Hoodie Allen

You Can’t Win, Charlie Brown

RUN DMT

Band members, according to Facebook: “EVERYONE THAT HAS EVER GIVEN ME ANY IDEAS OR INSPIRATION. THIS INCLUDES THE BEATLES, EDGAR ALLEN POE [sic], AND MY DOG, SO CONGRATULATION [sic], EVERYONE IS A PART OF RUN DMT!”

Terri Schiavo Dance Party

Song: “Sluts N Coke”

Edgar Allan Slow

Band Interests: “melancholy, ennui, snails, broth”

Most Jeffinitely

Band or Alice In Wonderland character

Caddywhompus

Band or loan application

Age Sex Occupation

Exclamations!

You Die!

Axis!

The Need!!

You Blew It!

Bio: “Donna told me she loves me then I told her I love cake.”

!ATTENTION!

Songs: “Your Is The New You’re,” “Shirts Off, Party On,” “When Life Hands You Lemmings”

Worship This!

“Young women, hillbillies, and fellow Doritos enthusiasts rejoice: Worship This! are here to give you that lovin’ feeling.”

Tic Tic Boom!

Hey Chica!

Rhodes!!

Duck. Little Brother, Duck!

All 15 songs on Survival Is Not A Workout use proper names with parentheticals, like “Courtney Taylor Taylor (How Sexy Is Your Soul),” “Steve Jobs (All Is Fun Until Someone Gets Stabbed),” and “Dov Charney (Neon Cotton Wormhole).”

Empire! Empire! (I Was A Lonely Estate)

Boats!

Tiger! Tiger!

Not to be confused with Tiger, Tiger

Funk

2Drunk2Funk

Punk Funk Mob

“Formed in 2007, this Bay Area band has been most accurately illustrated as the Ramones meets Funkadelic with Betty Davis on vocals.”

Brevity is the soul of nothing

For Fear The Hearts Of Men Are Failing

It’s a line from “No Depression” (or “No Depression In Heaven”) by the Carter family (and made famous by Uncle Tupelo). As the group explains on its website, “It feels full of existential angst. It also sounds fucking metal! This combination aptly describes the sound of our band. We are fucking ridiculous.”

Jingle Punks Hipster Orchestra

Ever wondered what Nirvana sounds like re-imagined for a string ensemble Or “Lisztomania” by Phoenix Or The White Stripes “Seven Nation Army” Pretty great, actually.

Guitar Wizards Of The Future

Song: “Straight Up Don’t Give A Fuck”

The Akabane Vulgars On Strong Bypass

They’re from Japan, so maybe that name makes sense there “The Akabane Vulgars on Strong Bypass connect to their audience and to share the emotional feelings and passion between band and audience.”

The Experimental Tropic Blues Band

Rebuilding The Rights Of Statues

Album: Watch Out! Climate Has Changed, Fat Mum Rises… They’re Chinese, so presumably that title kills in their homeland. Also: They’re pretty good.

Coke Dick Motorcycle Awesome

Winner, Best URL: cokedick.com

Yes, this kind of thing still happens

Skandalism

Under “Biography” on its Facebook page: “We’re too lazy to fill this out.” For “Description”: “WE’RE A PUNK BAND, BRO.”

Movie/TV references

My Boy Elroy

"Universal love and dedication for music that ensures it’s quilaity.” [sic] Its “influences” section on Facebook lists more than 400 artists.

Bear Suit Sucker Punch

“Remember that time in The Wicker Man when Nicolas Cage is wearing a bear suit and strait [sic] up punches a chick.”

Hooray For Everything

Sadly, none of its music includes a salute to the greatest hemisphere on earth, the Western Hemisphere! The dancingest hemisphere of all!

The Cast Of Cheers

ThunderCougarFalconBird

Futurama reference

Pwin Teaks & The Children Of The New H’s

Well, the first part is a TV reference. The second part No idea.

Cosby Sweater

Danny Glover And The Lethal Weapons

Songs: “Glover Sex Scottums Scrotum,” “If The Glovers Are United”

Back To The Future references

Ronald Reagan The Actor

We Don’t Need Roads

Two bands vie for this name on Facebook: one from Chicago and another that looks like a bunch of teenagers (one of whom drew a logo in English class).

Coming to season four of The Walking Dead

Sabertooth Zombie

Zombie Death Fuck

Tribute bands

Our Name Is Jonas

Mick’s Jaguar

“Mick’s Jaguar is the best Rolling Stones revival band to come out of Gowanus Bklyn. All members of the band are over 30, overweight, and enjoy dining at the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Dunkin Donuts combo spot around the corner from the practice hut… Real bands hate us.”

Will never be spelled or pronounced correctly

Nguzunguzu

Helpfully provides a phonetic pronunciation on its Twitter page: “en-goo-zoo en-goo-zoo”

Imbogodom

That’s pun-tertainment

The Bridle Party

“Earnest music for people who actually feel things”

Brass Hysteria

Left To Write

Prey For Sleep

Hear Kitty Kitty

Features a member of Ugly Kid Joe! Singer Nikita also plays in an all-female cover and called Damezig.

Morbidly-O-Beats

Cuntaminants

Songs: “God Hates Punks,” “Scumshot,” “Fuck Work”

NO XTRA LTTRS/spaces/extra spaces

CHLLNGR

Beneaththestares

Alas, they’ve broken up.

S U R V I V E

Song title: “To Light Alone I Bow”

Boyfrndz

Punctuated

D/R/U/G/S

((sounder))

Juno What!

“the leading practitioner of high-energy disco booty jams, and live electro-funk”

:papercutz

Ki:Theory

…Whatever That Means

Extremist-baiting

The Allah Las

Talibam!

Annoying gimmick names (or annoying-gimmick names)

oOoOO

Pronounced “Oh.” Under “Members” on Facebook: “CRaZY aSS BiTCH LiVeS iN a CaVe. MaKeS THRee SoNGS a YeaR WHeN NoT CRYiNG.”

UUVVWWZ

A.Dd+

Pronounced “ADD”

First Person

My Bloodshed Kills

My Name Is You

I Killed Everyone

Why I Hate

Can I Get An Amen

Second Person

You Won’t

Father You See Queen

Commands

Build Us Airplanes

Burn The Remains

Go Tell The Eskimo

Run With The Hunted

Don’t Flirt With Puppy Killers

The name apparently comes from Of Mice And Men

Um, okay, sure

Stankbot Tyranny

The drummer of this band is 11 years old.

Trademark Da Skydiver

HavocNdeeD

The Mendition Of The Quay

“The Mendition of the Quay has arrived to save the world from false psychedelia.”

Pure Bathing Culture

The We Shared Milk

The most festive demonstration ever

Pinata Protest

Knives

Knifed At Gunpoint

Knifegun

See, it’s political commentary

Guantanamo Dogpile

About: “We are GUANTANAMO DOGPILE AND WE’RE HERE TO SHIT ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!”

As featured in Looper

Time Traveling Assassins

Also the name of a Thomas Kinkade painting

The Lighthouse And The Whaler

Sexy times

A Good Rogering

“In an industry flooded with highly homogenized ‘music’, AGR strives to be a little bit ‘different’. Frontman/vocalist/guitarist Skunk Manhattan, bassist/vocalist Chef Bull RD, and drummer Rex combine their talents and influences together to create a distinct style of ‘different rock music’”. [sic] We’re not “sure” these guys “get” what quotation marks “mean.”

Sex Party

Spankshaft

Pity Sex

The moon

Today The Moon Tomorrow The Sun

Moonmen On The Moon, Man

Mansions On The Moon

When in doubt, repeat

Dark Dark Dark

URL: brightbrightbright.com

Wizards & shit

Dragony

Genre: “Glory Metal”

The Crazy Dogggz Memorial Section

Catz N’ Dogz

JustThoughtz

Skin & Bonez

Not to be confused with the belt-maker.

Food

Destiny Potato

“POTATOES GONNA POTATE”

Cilantro Boombox

Warm Soda

Hella Jalapeños

Most generic/appropriate name in history

Audio Content

Miscellany

Kay There House Builder

Diamond Terrifier

Expensive Looks

Biography: “akin to creations of early garage titans and wonders transfused with codeine-soaked acid jams, the smoothly ethereal yet grimy sounds reveal the inner-workings of towering, crashing polar shifts.” Um, ok.

The Started-Its

The band logo is two shockers, as seen in the video for “Cocaine Off A Baby”:

Lucky Eejits

ZZZ’s

Their Facebook bio has some charming Engrish: “ZZZ’s formed last year and performs the 1st show immediately after several times of session. Their peculiar sound calls a rumor immediately, though there is little number of times of their show, their demo EP and Tapes at each record shop in Japan is sold-out.” And “They lead community life with backpackers by the guesthouse which is likely to break at any moment.” Good to know!

Gangstagrass

The band that does the theme to Justified. It combines bluegrass and hip-hop:

Hands Off My Sister

Classiest splash page of this year’s bands.

Kissy Sell Out

A Lot Like Birds

Dinner And A Suit

Cosmic Suckerpunch

Jimmy At The Prom

Dirge Within

Skipping Girl Vinegar

Nü Sensae

Shy Around Strangers

“Shy Around Strangers is a great band name in its own right, but what makes this three-piece’s namesake even more apropos is their mission to make the music itself the public face and persona of the band.” Someone thinks it’s a great name

Dumptruck Butterlips

Super Water Sympathy

The band describes its sound as “a synthesis of classic symphonic ambience with modern ethereal anthems”

Balance And Composure

Naw Dude

Smoochknob

Mom Jeans

Moron Mountain

Album Alcoholic Lesbian Velociraptor features songs like “Shit, Secret Jew Dick” (which opens with an Annie Hall sample) and “668 (Neighbor Of The Beast)”

Metal Mother

Genre identification: “Techno Pagan Dopamine Party.” It’s the project of multi-instrumentalist Taara Tati, who’s prone to posting pronouncements on her Facebook wall like this one: “we are the metaphorical animations of nature”

Not In The Face

Ex-Easter Island Head

Smile Empty Soul

3 Dudes & A Mullet

The Janitor And The Bum

Jokes For Feelings

Christ Vs. Krishna

3 Pill Morning

Goodbye Good Sense

Bio: “Goodbye Good Sense is a delicious experimental melodic explosion of guitar wave hard candy with a juicy center of head-bobbing technical pitter-patter from the skins driven by a thick outer-shell of bass lines and yummy textures that dissolves surely, but sweetly.” Sadly, that’s not the end of that metaphor in their bio.

Short Attn Span

Not to be confused with this Short Attn Span, an “Excellent, Lively even Zany Covers Band with Great sound & Personality. Ideal for Pubs or Your Special Function.”