Several clues have set me thinking
I'm keeping my eyes peeled
I will make an enquiry to be sure
This is troubling me
There's no mistaking the signs
The sheets, quilt and pillowcase
No longer mismatch
Next to my pile of clothes
There are some ironed and folded
There's no mistaking the signs
I think there's a girl living with me
Two toothbrushes in the bathroom
Soap "without soap" and the hairdryer
That is definitely not mine
Some bizarre small balls
For perfuming the bathtub
This is a real nightmare
Someone has massacred all my cockroach friends!
In the kitchen some teabags
Of verbena, chamomile
A message on the answerphone from a mother
Who isn't mine
She's laying into my family now!
There's no mistaking the signs
Someone has traitorously done the dishes
What happened to my routine, my quarterly cleaning?
I open the fridge horrified, this is madness!
There are loads of vegetables!
There is even fruit!
There's no mistaking the signs
There is a girl living with me
Where are my pals that hang around in front of the telly?
The boxes of pizza, the open packets of chips
The butts of cigarettes
Crushed on the plates
My collection of new look? Lost to oblivion!
On the bed table there are no longer condoms but aspirin
There is a girl living with me
There are also candles combatting the odour of nicotine
There is a girl living with me
There's no mistaking the signs
There is a real curtain, no longer a sheet nailed to the window!
What is that, my God? It's a green plant!
The hoover is still warm
This is too much, I am lodging a complaint!
I am going to take it to a lab
To check the fingerprints
We would say that I am no longer a bachelor
The culprit, I give you her
She is before me, the noose is tightening
Holding the telephone, sitting cross-legged
In a pretty flowery dress
A girl tells me "Stop your playacting
And the rent, I pay as much as you!"