X-M@$ lyrics

Ho Ho Ho Ho!

There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree

Gussied up candy canes and balls

Those carolers have kept me up for hours

It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls

Now I'm no Wiccan commie or nothing

But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand

It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools

But it'll surely make a fool out of every man

HA

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

You know where to stick those jingle bells

If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah

And all you motherfuckers go to hell

If I ain't cockeyed then it Kwanzaa

Joy to the world and jack and coke

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

Cause I never anything but broke

Now every year the malls are just a madhouse

Full of empty pockets, thoughts, and smiles

Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit

And those colored lights are fucking infantile

I think we collectively as the people

Should rise against this corporate jolly noise

And tell the world:

"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"

Before we spend it all on fucking toys.

HA

So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

You know where to stick those jingle bells

If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah

Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!

If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa

Joy to the world of getting stoned

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.

HA

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!