AMÉLIE, speaking:
On September 3rd, 1975, at 6:28 pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute lands on Rue St. Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, a sperm with one X chromosome, belonging to Raphael Poulain, makes a dash for an egg in his wife Amandine. Nine months later... moi
ALL MEN (except RAPHAEL):
Raphael Poulain likes giving salutes
In his army doctor uniform
Always liked the idea of a daughter
RAPHAEL:
But not so sure that I've got one
ALL MEN (except RAPHAEL):
Likes to swim, but dislikes wet swimming suits
Likes to clean and organise his tools
He likes his daughter in theory
But doesn't really like it when he-
RAPHAEL:
Has to touch her
AMÉLIE:
World's best Papa
I used to see it on his coffee cup
And it's not
Just a phrase
Every thirty-one days
He provided a monthly check upheld my hand
Inside of his
Although there was the glove
Every time he came near
I was sure he could hear
My heart filling up with love
(Raphael uses his gloved hand to move Young Amélie’s hand out of the way. We hear Young Amélie’s normal heartbeat.)
ENSEMBLE:
Ba-bum Ba-bum Ba-bum
(Raphael puts the stethoscope on her chest. Her heart races wildly.)
ENSEMBLE:
Baaaaaahh
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah!
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-ba!
(Raphael jumps away from his daughter. We hear Young Amélie’s normal heartbeat.)
ENSEMBLE:
Ba-bum Ba-bum Ba-bum
(He listens once more through the stethoscope, and the heartbeat goes wild. Even more excitement!)
ENSEMBLE:
Baaaaaahh
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-baaaaaaaaah!
Bub-ba-bub-ba-bub-ba!
RAPHAEL, spoken:
Amandine!
(Amandine enters.)
GINA, GEORGETTE, SUZANNE:
Amandine Poulain likes the flavour of stamps
Has a nervous twitch around her eye
She likes a bath at bedtime
AMANDINE:
But dislikes when my fingers wrinkle
RAPHAEL:
Our daughter's heart is raving
AMANDINE, speaking:
Mon Dieu!
RAPHAEL:
I fear it might be broken
AMANDINE, spoken:
She’s broken!
RAPHAEL:
I worry that her heart cannot
Handle any situation
AMANDINE, spoken:
What do we do?
RAPHAEL:
We cut all recreation and teach her at home
RAPHAEL & AMANDINE:
We can keep her heartbeat stable
Your school is the kitchen table
RAPHAEL:
Now
AMANDINE:
No need to take the school bus
RAPHAEL:
Just leave it to the two of us
AMANDINE:
No germs or boys or bullies plus
(Raphael places a goldfish in a bowl in front of Young
Amélie.)
RAPHAEL & AMANDINE:
Say hello to your new classmate