When You're Dead [Russian translation]

The other day, I took a walk

Because the air was sweet.

And I passed the crusty house

Of the curmudgeon on my street.

Now, every town has got one

So I'm sure you'll understand

When I tell you this old bastard

Is a mean and bitter man.

Now, this day, it was special,

I was wearing my new hat

The old curmudgeon saw this

And he disapproved of that. He said:

"I've had one just like that

For ten years, you ripped me off!

You've got no right to wear a hat

Like mine, so take it off!"

As it happens, I'm a gentleman

So I approached his porch.

I told him; "Great minds think alike,

And you have one, of course.

So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you

When I come through?"

He reached down for his gun and said

"I'll shoot you if you do!"

And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."

Well, the next day I forgot

This whole damned mess

And went to town. And there I saw

A hundred or so posters all around

And on them was my face,

And I was wearing my new hat

And they read: "This guy ripped me off,

I've got one just like that!"

I took a walk down to his house

To see if I could find

A way to show him

That we're kindred spirits of the mind.

I told him "I didn't make these hats,

Nor did you, of course.

And hey, we both love Johnny Cash..."

He said "Get off my porch!"

And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."

When you look back on your life, what will you see?

Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?

There's no shortage of potential enemies, so don't

Waste so much time pushing away your kind.

I thought, I must be stupid,

Or just crazy from the heat.

When I went down to the house

Of that curmudgeon on my street.

Maybe it was foolish

To go too his house again.

Just to show this crazy drunken fool

He had a friend.

When I got there,

Much to my surprise, he wasn't there.

He was gone, as was his shotgun

And his rocking chair.

I asked the neighbour-lady,

Who was lying on her lawn:

"What happened to that mean old man?"

She shrugged, and that was all.

No one's gonna cry at your funeral.

No one's gonna drink at your wake.

No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.

'Cause no one's gonna miss you.

Hell, no one's gonna notice.

And I'll enjoy the silence...

When you're dead!