When I get to heaven,
I'm gonna shake God's hand
I'm gonna thank Him for more blessings
Than one man can stand
Then I'm gonna get a guitar
And start a rock-n-roll band
Check into a swell hotel
Ain't the afterlife grand?
Then I'm gonna get a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
'Cause this old man is goin' to town
Then as God as my witness
I'm getting back into show business
I'm gonna open up a nightclub called "The Tree of Forgiveness"
And forgive everybody ever done me any harm
Why, I might even forgive a few choice critics
Those syph'litic parasitics
Buy 'em a pint of Smithwicks
And smother 'em with my charm
'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
'Cause this old man is goin' to town
Yeah, when I get to heaven
I'm gonna take that wristwatch off my arm
What are you gonna do with time
after you've bought the farm?
Then I'm gonna look up my mom and dad,
And good old brother Doug
Why, I bet him and cousin Jackie are still cuttin' up a rug
And I wanna see all my mama's sisters
'Cause that's where all the love starts
I miss 'em all like crazy
Bless their little hearts
And I always will remember these words that my daddy said
He said: "Buddy, when you're dead, you're a dead pecker-head"
I hope to prove him wrong
That is, when I get to heaven
'Cause then I'm gonna have a cocktail
Vodka and ginger ale
Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
'Cause this old man is goin' to town