Тётя доктор [Tyotya doktor] [English translation]

Sunday, after tea, I lost my ability to work,

I called 911. Sorry about these details.

My stomach hurt like hell, like horses kicking in there.

My strength was about gone, when here comes the Lady Doctor.

"Lady Doctor, Lady Doctor, help me, Lady Doctor!

Lady Doctor, Lady Doctor, Angel in white, Lady Doctor!"

I was whiter than chalk, on the verge of death.

"What did you eat?" I ate something like ravioli and a can of sardines.

She searched for a pulse, but found none. I was all wet with sweat.

My strength was about gone, when I said, "I love you, Lady Doctor!"

"Lady Doctor, Lady Doctor, I love you, Lady Doctor.

Lady Doctor, Lady Doctor, Angel in white, Lady Doctor."

She whispered to me, "Remove your jeans! You will feel better and it will be better for you."

With her womanly touch, she administered an enema.

Then she sat at my bedside for a long, long time.

The Lady Doctor made my intestinal pain go away.

"Now I'm eating market produce, have no head colds, no sneezing.

I eat like a horse and I'm married - to that Lady Doctor.

Once an angel, now she's a battle-ax. Why didn't I just die?

Oh, where are the sardines, and that ravioli stuff, Lady Doctor?"