If you need me, whatever the problem,
To give you a helping hand if the other doors have closed
Mine is always open no questions, no conditions,
We just need to be clear on the date, I have responsibilities
You can count on me
When you want and wherever it may be
I will always be there for you
You can count on me
But please don't forget
It can't be too far, I don't fly 'cos I'm too scared
I don't do boats either because I get sea sick
I can come by train but only in first class
As I don't drive, I'll need a chauffeur for the car
Otherwise, apart from that, you can count on me
If you've lost interest and lost your way
If you can barely stand, or you can barely stand it,1
If you feel lonely, if you need a shoulder
If you feel bad, don't hesitate, call me
You can count on me
When you want and wherever it may be
I will always be there for you
You can count on me
But please don't forget
Weekends aren't great, during the week I'm not easily reachable
The holidays why not, except I turn off my phone
I can do June I think, but better just check
Sunday next week I'm not doing anything. Oh wait! I'll be out of town
Otherwise, apart from that, you can count on me
The best… the best would be if you didn't call again
Yeah… yeah… no, no, I– I'm hanging up, yes
I'm gonna have to let you go now, I–
That's right, I'm hanging up, yes.
It can't be too far and it'll have to be the right day
But I'll be there for you, I hope you know
You'll tell me your misfortunes, I'll say some trite
We'll talk for hours and if it's not enough
I'll play you some Joe Dassin songs any old how
We'll get out the trumpets and never mind the neighbours
If one day I'm not OK, I hope you'll come
I'm counting on you
1. Being creative here in a vague attempt to maintain the play on words. The second part of the line means literally something more like "if pain has a grip on you