The Military Representative lyrics

The Muckemdyke Tribunal sat in state the other day

To give or else refuse exemptions in the usual way

The first case was a man who'd had a wooden leg from birth

The chairman said “Exempted, now hop home for all you're worth!”

But the military representative got up and shouted “Bosch

a wooden leg - By Gosh!

Such tales will never wash!

They called upon the next case

Then a woman rose and said

I'm very sorry gentleman

But my poor husband is dead

The chairman said “Well he’s exempted, he needn't come again.”

“Oh, thank you.” said the widow as she ran to catch a train

But the military representative got up and shouted “Hi!!

How dare your husband die!

He was A1 in July

What say ma'am? He's in heaven now?

Well you just let him know

I'm sending a Sergeant to fetch him back

For of course he's got to go!”

They called on Rip van Winkle next and smiling all serene

He mumbled “Gents, I'm 91, you've got me down 19!”

(…) but the military representative got up and shouted “Say!”

Don't let him run away, though he's 91 today!

There are men down at the War office as old as he I know!

And I'm sure they’re a damn site sillier

So of course he's got to go!”