The video starts with the very end of the preceding, nearly as famous, Barber Skit, in which the barber, played by Michael Palin, dreams of stabbing his clients with his scissors. When the video starts, the barber is still wearing the shredded, blood-stained barber's jacket.
Lumberjack (speaking, as he steps from the barbershop set to the forest set):
I didn't want to be a barber anyway.
I wanted to be a lumberjack!
Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia!
The giant redwood!
The larch!
The fir!
The mighty scots pine!
(Through a camera trick, the lumberjack suddenly acquires a fur hat with ear flaps.)
The smell of fresh-cut timber!
(Ripping off his barber coat to reveal his lumberjack flannel shirt)
The crash of mighty trees!
With my best girlie by my side!
(The best girlie enters from the left, played by Connie Booth)
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!
Lumberjack (now singing):
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night, I work all day.
Chorus (dressed as Mounties): He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Lumberjack: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea.
Chorus: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Lumberjack: I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flow'rs.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.
Chorus: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flow'rs.
He puts on women's clothing
(chorus members looking questioningly at each other)
And hangs around in bars?
(returning to their previous positions)
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Lumberjack: I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspendies and a bra.
(Girlie starts crying)
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear mama.
Chorus & Lumberjack together: I/He cuts down trees, I/he wear(s ) high heels
Suspenders?? and a .... a Bra????
(As Mounties stop singing, start grumbling indistinctly at Lumberjack, gesturing disgustedly in his direction, and raggedly walk away, Lumberjack continues singing):
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear mama.
Girlie, crying: Oh Bevis! And I thought you were so rugged!
(She pronounces the first syllable of Bevis the same as in the name Beverly, not like Bee as in Bevis & Butthead.
Girlie runs off to the right, camera zooms in on Lumberjack's face chewing gum and staring uncomprehending at the camera)
(Letter appears, read aloud by unseen "brigadier" but you can recognize the voice of John Cleese. I have reproduced the line breaks as they appear in the handwritten letter displayed on-screen.)
Dear Sir,
I wish to complain in the
strongest possible terms about the song
which you have just broadcast, about
the lumberjack who wears women's
clothes. Many of my best friends
are lumberjacks and only a few
of them are transvestites.
Yours faithfully,
Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur
Strong (Mrs.)
P.S. I have never kissed the editor
of the Radio Times.
("Old Lady" appears, played by Graham Chapman, begins speaking in the Python Falsetto)
Well, I object to all this sex on the telly-vision. I mean, I keep fallin' off.
(Photo of a smashed-up trophy appears, with these words scrolling over it):
That joke was Britain's
entry for this year's
Rubber Mac of Zurich Award
It came last