[ADELE, spoken]
Prince Sebastian looks almost handsome
Not as handsome as the baker
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Will you shut up for five minutes about the baker, Adele?
How do you expect to marry a prince when you insist on being the town bicyclette?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Have you seen a girl with dark hair arrive?
[QUEEN, spoken]
Dark hair? Darling, no one has had dark hair in this town since they burned that girl at the stake for
Well, having dark hair
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
She must be here somewhere
[QUEEN, spoken]
Look, why don't you just dance with one of these girls?
They've all madе such an effort
Those two over thеre are particularly fetching, don't you think?
Sebastian, the wedding is tomorrow
You have to announce your bride at midnight!
I know you're cross but there really isn't any time to sulk
So while you wait for this mystery girl of yours, why not give another girl a spin?
You might be surprised
Dance
Now
Thank you, my saucisson
[SEBASTIAN]
I feel I'm on the auction block and on display
Or more like I'm the favorite dish at a buffet
My options look as good to me as tooth decay
And she isn't here
Meanwhile bimbos are beckoning
And she has yet to appear
As I evade this hit parade of imbeciles
One thing's clear, she's not here
[DANCING GIRL 1, spoken]
I don't know what everyone is talking about
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
How do you mean?
[DANCING GIRL 1, spoken]
You're not that bad up close
[DANCING GIRL 2, spoken]
And it's not like I meant to promise my first born to Rumpelstiltskin
It could happen to anyone
[DANCING GIRL 3, spoken]
And if we have a girl I want her to be called Sunlight
And if we have a boy I want him to be called Storm
And if we have a—
[DANCING GIRL 4, spoken]
How rich are you?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Um
[DANCING GIRL 4, spoken]
I'm just trying to work out if it's worth it
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Wow
[SEBASTIAN]
My shaky grip on sanity is crumbling
And soon I will be married off and crowned the king
The ticking clock inside my head is deafening
And she isn't here
All this ceaseless unpleasantry
Small talk, banal talk so drear
The princesses, the bourgeoisie, the peasantry
All small beer and she's not here
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Try not to say anything idiotic Adele
[ADELE, spoken]
Your majesty
I'm not supposed to mention the baker
Or how handsome he is
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Oh, for God's sake
Marie, intervene
[MARIE, spoken]
Hello, your majesty
Can I tell you a secret?
I've always thought you were so much more handsome than your brother
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Than my brother? Who was voted the Most Handsome Man in Europe?
[MARIE, spoken]
Was he? Well, looks aren't everything
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
No? So what is it you like about me then?
[MARIE, spoken]
Um, your spirit?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
My spirit? And what is it about my spirit that you like?
[MARIE, spoken]
All of it?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Nice try
[SEBASTIAN]
Midnight's my time of reckoning
I'm filled with dread and with fear
And that is why I keep my eye upon the door
Still it's clear, she's not here
[HUNKS, spoken]
Woah!
[ARTHUR, spoken]
I'd like to give her the crown jewels!
[DORIAN, spoken]
Oi, love, there's a scepter over here that needs polishing
[GIRL 1, spoken]
Who the hell is that?
[GIRL 2, spoken]
I've never seen her before
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Who is that little tart?
[MARIE, spoken]
I don't know, but she's so pretty
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Pretty vulgar, look at those frightful shoes
[QUEEN, spoken]
Sebastian, look at that girl
You can't possibly say there aren't options
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Mother, she looks exactly the same as every other girl here
And just as grasping and boring and vapid as the rest of them
[QUEEN, spoken]
For somebody who claims to have so much distain for his high station
You are a snob, Sebastian
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
I told you, I'm waiting for someone and that's not her
[SEBASTIAN]
Mother, I can't do this
There is no medicine, no herbal sedative that can get me through this
Pack of coyotes upon me at feeding time
Breathless and braindead from all the inbreeding
I'd like to rephrase that, they're jackals, I'm pleading
[QUEEN]
Just dance with them
Darling, dance with them
Look at this new girl as if right on cue
I said dance with her
[SEBASTIAN]
Fine, I'll dance with her
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
What do you think of my new look?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Ugh, please don't
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
What?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
I don't want to talk, alright
I'm done talking, let's just get this over and done with
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Have I done something to annoy you?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Not you particularly, no
But all of you in general? Yes
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
"All of us"?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Girls, shamelessly throwing themselves at me
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
In your dreams, and you asked me to come here
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Hate to break it to you, love, but I was made to ask everyone
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Well then why are you so shocked that we came?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
I'm not shocked, I'm just depressed by the whole thing
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
And by the way, your highness
None of these girls is interested in you, you know that, right?
They are all straining to pretend they like you
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Well you're not doing a great job, let me tell you
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Good
[CINDERELLA]
You're a jerk and so arrogant
I came close to marrying you out of pity
[SEBASTIAN]
Oh my God, you're delusional
You think you're hot stuff, you're not quite that pretty
With each shared opinion your chances are shrinking
Miss, you've had enough of whatever you're drinking
And if I'm the prize, there is no chance you'll win it
Excuse me, I must choose a bride in one minute
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
These bloody shoes
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
That girl can't walk in those ridiculous shoes of hers
[ADELE, spoken]
Is she drunk?
Oh, can I drink, mama? I want to be drunk
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Absolutely not, you're bad enough sober
[MARIE, spoken]
She's not drunk, she can't walk in heels
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
There's only one girl in this town who doesn't know how to walk in heels
[STEPMOTHER]
It seems we have a most unwelcome guest here
An interloper whom I cannot bear
How can she think we are unaware?
Well, I know who she is
[ADELE, spoken]
What's she doing here? She always ruins everything
[STEPMOTHER]
There's no time to lose, where's the prince? Go and kiss him
If he sees she's here then our plan will not float
[ADELE]
He's where?
[STEPMOTHER]
Over there
Hurry up, you can't miss him
Distract him, in fact, shove your tongue down his throat
[STEPMOTHER, spoken]
Now! There isn't any time, now!
[QUEEN, spoken]
Well, It appears we have our bride
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
What? Wait!
[Queen, spoken]
Mademoiselle Adele de la Plage!
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Adele? No
[QUEEN, spoken]
And what a beauty she is, too, the perfect choice
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Excuse me, please let me out of here
I can't breathe, oh, this dress
[QUEEN, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen, please bow down for your future king and queen
Prince Sebastian and the future Princess Adele
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Cinderella? Oh no, wait, please
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Leave me alone
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
I didn't know it was you, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you
You look so different
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
So you just fell into my step-sister's mouth?
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
No, she kissed me!
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Enough, enough of your excuses
Why don't you just take responsibility for once?
This is your bed, lie in it
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Hey, just stop
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
God, these shoes are killing me
Don't you dare touch me
We're done
Whatever this is, it's over
I never want to see you again
[SEBASTIAN, spoken]
Please don't say that