Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me lyrics

Oh, the sand keeps falling through the hourglass

And there’s no way you’re going to slow it down

You say we got to treasure each moment

Who knows how long we’re gonna be around

Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short

And its hard to disagree with what you say

But if time is so precious why ya wasting mine

‘Cause I’m always reading, always deleting

Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes

Stop forwarding that crap to me

Well, I don’t need tons of cringe inducing puns

Stop forwarding that crap to me

No, it isn’t ok if you brighten my day

With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry

And I didn’t request a personality test

Stop forwarding that crap to me

You’re sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments

to every single person you know

You’re passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube

that everybody else already saw three years ago

And wacky, badly Photoshopped billboards were never that amusing to me

And I just can’t believe you believe those urban legends

But I have high hopes that someone will point you toward Snopes

And debunk that crazy junk you’re spewing constantly

No, I don’t want a bowl of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

Stop forwarding that crap to me

Send more top 10 lists and I’ll slash my wrists

Please stop forwarding that crap to me

Well, I’m sorry I can’t accept your paranoid rant

And I don’t want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe

Won’t you kindly refrain ‘cause it’s hurting my brain

Stop forwarding that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody’s cat

Now tell me in what alternate reality will I care about something like that?

And by the way your quotes from George Carlin aren’t really George Carlin

Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong

And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing

And I really doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me if I don’t pass her letter along

Well, now I know you’re wishing I’ll sign your petition

But stop forwarding that crap to me

And I don’t want to read your series of conspiracy theories

Just stop forwarding that crap to me

And your two million loser friends all have my address

Now ‘cause you never figured out the way to BCC

But now I gotta insist, take me off of your list

Stop forwarding that crap to me

Stop forwarding that crap to me

(This line repeats to end while the following is interjected:)

Just stop it now…Oh no…

I can’t take it…..Aw please…

You gotta stop…Right now…

I’m not kidding…

At the risk of being slightly repetitious gonna ask you now to stop

Sending me that crap

I don’t want it, don’t send it to me

Now don’t send it to me

Just stop…Stop forwarding that crap to me, to me