Hey, mom and dad I'm a real dick and I hope you know that
Hey, mom and dad I'm a piece of shxt and I hope you know that
Hey, mom and dad I'm a real bitch and I hope you know that
Hey, mom and dad I'm a real... dick, dick
Hey, Samuel I'm a real f##k and I hope you know that
Hey, Charlie I'm a real wuss and I hope you know that
Hey, Caroline I'm a real puss and I hope you know that
Hey, Pierce I'm a real cock and I hope you know that
Hey, Rachel I'm real sissy ass clown and I hope you know that
Hey, everyone I'm a real sucker and I hope you know that
Hey, extended family I suck a lot of dick
Hey, everybody at school I'm a total piece of sh#t
Hey, everyone who I didn't mention, f##k me
Hey, everybody I love, f##k me, yeah