Screech In lyrics

[CLAUDE]

Now there's a solemn, old tradition

For admission - or audition - to

Transition from a Come From Away

[COMPANY]

To be a Newfoundlander

[CLAUDE]

The only other way at any rate

Is pass away and pray to fate and

Wait to reincarnate

[COMPANY]

As a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey - come on inside

Nothing ventured, nothing tried

[ACTOR 5]

Only a couple of people cried

[COMPANY]

You'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey - sit down right here

You'll feel better in a year

[ACTOR 7]

Try to ignore your doubts and fears

[COMPANY]

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Now we needs a couple of volunteers - who wants to become a Newfoundlander?

[BOB, spoken]

Right here!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Good man! Who else?

[KEVIN T, spoken]

I have no idea why I put up my hand. And Kevin's like

[KEVIN J, spoken]

Oh my God, are you serious? Oh my God, you are serious!

[KEVIN T, spoken]

Yes - I'm serious. Don't do it if you don't want to

[KEVIN J, spoken]

I won't

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Where you from, buddy?

[KEVIN T, spoken]

Los Angeles

[CLAUDE, spoken]

LA! Who else?

[DIANE spoken]

Us!

We want to be Newfoundlanders!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Alright. Where are you folks from?

[DIANE, spoken]

Texas and -

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Texas! (to Nick) What part of Texas are you from, buddy?

[NICK, spoken]

No, I'm from -

[DIANE, spoken]

No, I'm from Texas. He's from England

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Wait. Now how does that work?

[NICK, spoken]

How does what work?

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Well, how does your marriage work with you being in England and her in Texas?

[DIANE & NICK, spoken]

No - we're not married

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Oh, I'm sorry - I just assumed you were married... Well, would you like to be?

[NICK, spoken]

Ah -

[DIANE, spoken]

Well, why not?!

[NICK, spoken]

Diane had had two beers by then, so it was probably the alcohol talking

[DIANE, spoken]

I've never had more than one beer at a time before, so it was probably the alcohol talking

[NICK, spoken]

I went and got her two more beers

[CLAUDE]

Now the first part is the easiest

We'll soon get to the queasiest

I'll need you to repeat this mess

[COMPANY]

When you become a Newfoundlander

[Claude]

'Cause we speaks a different language, son

We adds some esses and some rum

You'll have to try a good cod tongue

[COMPANY]

When you become a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey - just do your best

Nothing scary, nothing yet

[ACTOR 3]

You'll have to change the way you're dressed

[COMPANY]

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey - just sing along

Nothing ventured just prolonged

[CLAUDE]

There's thirty verses in this song

[COMPANY]

Then you'll be a Newfoundlander

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Ladies and gentlemen - this is screech! Back in World War II, an officer was stationed here and was offered some of this stuff

All the locals were tossing it back with nar' a quiver, so he does too

And lets out an ear piercing...

(all of the NEWFOUNDLANDERS howl)

Everybody comes to see what's happening and says:

[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]

"What was that ungodly screech?!"

[CLAUDE, spoken]

And now it's your turn. Are you ready?

[NICK spoken]

Um... I'm not sure that -

[DIANE spoken]

Wait - did you just say -

[BOB, spoken]

No. Nope. Not really ready

[KEVIN T, spoken]

Do we have to drink this?

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Good! All together now. One!

[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]

One!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Two!

[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]

Two!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Three!

[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]

Three!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Down the hatch!

[KEVIN T spoken]

Screech is basically bad Jamaican rum

[NICK, spoken]

Screech is horrific

[DIANE, spoken]

Screech is delishush!

[BOB, spoken]

And then they brought the Cod

[KEVIN T, spoken]

The Cod

[NICK, spoken]

The Cod

[DIANE, spoken]

The Cod

[CLAUDE]

Now with every transformation

Comes a tiny bit of risk

You've got to walk the plank

And there'll be blood

Or there'll be bliss

And it's the same to be a

Newfoundlander

Every person's wish

So don't be dumb

Just take the plunge

Go on - kiss the fish!

[NEWFOUNDLANDERS]

(continued underneath)

I'm an islander - I am an islander

I'm an islander - I am an islander...

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Ladies and gentlemen - this is a genuine freshly caught Newfoundland cod - and if you want to become an honorary Newfoundlander, you'll have to give her a smooch! One!

[KEVIN J, spoken]

If you kiss that I am never kissing you again!

[KEVIN T, spoken]

I'll risk it!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Two!

[NICK, spoken]

I'm not kissing a fish!

[DIANE, spoken]

Come on, I will if you will!

[NICK, spoken]

Oh my god. Fine

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Three!

[DIANE, spoken]

I can't do it!

[NICK, spoken]

What? I just did!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Now you've got to kiss the cod - it's a vital part of the ceremony

[DIANE, spoken]

I can't do it!

[CLAUDE, spoken]

Alright - look. I'll make you a deal. Either you kiss this fish - or else you kiss this Englishman that you're not married to

[COMPANY]

Hey, hey - come on tonight

Take a risk and take a ride

Jump right in with both feet tied

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey - come on once more

Nothing ventured, nothing sore

After it's over, out the door

And you'll be a Newfoundlander

[CLAUDE]

After it's over you'll remember

[COMPANY]

That you're a Newfoundlander