Regretroid lyrics

[Narrator:]

There was a bounty hunter

in the depths of space

And she could easily combine

your stupid ass with your face

Her name was Samus Aran,

and she would destroy Metroids1

When she wasn't totally pissed,

she was extremely annoyed

She stood up to every challenge,

no matter however demanding

And her courage was amazing,

and her boobies were outstanding

[Samus:]

WHAT?!

[Narrator:]

Uh, nothing! I was just saying that you're brave.

Um...okay...hey, look over there! Ha, ha, it's Kraid!2

[Kraid:]

I'm the strongest dragon that you've ever seen

You're gonna die, motherfucker,

I take up five screens3

I'm gonna swallow you whole,

and then you'll go down easy

Then you'll be digested and converted to feces!

I'll take off your helmet,

see the fear in your eyes

And your beautiful hair,

and your well-toned thighs

And your pillowy lips and...

Wait, you're not a guy?

[Samus:]

Is that a problem, you FUCK?!

[Kraid:]

Uh...no! Prepare to die!

[Narrator:]

Kraid was hesitating,

but Samus was set to fight

She got into a battle stance

that made her butt look super-tight

And Kraid said;

[Kraid:]

No wait,

I think there has been a gigantic mistake

I actually just wanted to give you

some desserts that I baked

[Narrator:]

But Samus said;

[Samus:]

What pisses me off most in this world

Is when enemies get nice

when they all find out I'm a girl

So do me a favor,

and take your cakes and your pies

And shove them so far up your ass

that they end up behind your eyes!

Stop treating me like I'm a sex object

Mother Brain's4 a woman, but she gets respect

[Mother Brain:]

Yeah, Kraid, you never talk to ME that way!

[Kraid:]

Oh, gosh, I wonder if it's because you're a huge, disgusting brain.

[Samus:]

Get the fuck off my planet, this is your last chance!

[Kraid:]

I'm gonna go ahead and slide out of my pants

[Samus:]

That's it, you're all fucking dead!

[Kraid:]

What? This room feels stuffy

By the way, do you like puppies?

Here's a basket of puppies!

[explosion sounds]

[Samus:]

Whoops. Killed the puppies.

1. Parasitic alien creatures that serve as enemies in the Metroid games.2. A dragon who's a major boss in the Metroid series3. Video game reference. Meaning TV screens.4. The final boss in the original Metroid game and main antagonist of the series