Mi primer beso [English translation]

My first kiss came ...

rather later than sooner,

I was 16 and had that silly little mustache.

She approached me ...

which was not as bad as if I had to do it,

as perhaps I would still be more of a virgin than Mary.

But we all have that moment

when there is no other way out.

She told me: "I hope that's the cellphone",

when my pants started to shake,

and I told her: "no, my dear - that's my manhood,

that has been hidden for 16 long years ".

On the way home we stopped in 100 gateways

and I was only able to unbutton a few of her buttons.

That's why when I went to piss

- you can't imagine

the pain in my pants

When a local cop showed up telling me:

"Come on kid, what are you doing pissing on the sidewalk?"

It took her 5 seconds to tell the cop:

"I don't even know him",

exactly as long as it took me

to hide my crown jewels in their satchel

My first kiss was ...

rather contradictory,

True, there was pleasure ...

but also pain of a thousand demons.

Well, I never thought

that the first time would hurt so much

that you would stay hotter

than the tip of devil's pitchfork.

And finally came the difficult moment

for the sad farewell ...

She gave me a phone number to call her

and it turned out to be that of a Chinese restaurant,

When I called asking for Yolanda

and a Chinese man read to me the categories of fried rice,

thunderbolts and lightning started to appear

over my head, as in a cartoon ...

I was sad and devastated, with the only consolation

of having touched ... noses.

When your father discovered in your bag

A suspicious smell that came from down there. )*

On the following weekend,

when we came face to face,

she did not even want to say hello to me.

When I said in a funny voice:

"Baby, I'm your soda,

shake me before you use me. "

And that's how my journey in love began,

The worst thing is that years went by and I haven't improved much.

I'm still that skinny kid ...

The truth is that I haven't kissed anyone since then

nor will I ever do it again with my eyes closed,

that is only for lovers who spend their lives in the dreamworld.