Mi dispiace [English translation]

Mom, I dreamt you knocked on my door

And you took off your glasses a bit bewildered

To look at me better, and for the first time

I felt you could feel we are not alike

And hugging me you were astonished

That I should be so sad and couldn’t find peace

How long since I last hugged you

And amidst that silence I quietly said… I’m sorry!

But that noise was enough to wake me up

To make me cry and go back

To my childhood, to all those lost days

Where in the summer the sky would turn into a sea

And I would listen with my old dolls

To the fables which you used to tell in a low voice

And when I would fall asleep between your arms

Without even knowing I was happy

But by the time I was sixteen I had changed

And I could see then how I really was

And suddenly I felt lonely and desperate

Because I wasn’t anymore the daughter I wanted to

And the trust ended there

Those brief phrases which were a big help

I hid myself behind a gelid impatience

And you will have sighed for the son you never had

Then I used to spend all the time outside

I couldn’t stand your telling me off for nothing

And I started to feel jealous too

Because you were an unattainable adult, and more beautiful

So, I gave myself to a passing dream

I put my heart in a bottle and threw it into the sea

And I lost my memory coz I lacked courage

Because I was embarrassed to be your daughter!

But you’re not knocking on my door and it was useless

To have had a dream which I can’t make come true

Because my thoughts are too full of my emptiness

Because the clock doesn’t want to forgive me

Moreover, if you were to knock on my door for real

I wouldn’t manage to tell you a single word

You would talk to me with your severe gaze

And I would feel lonely again.

For this reason, I’ve written to you this confusing letter

To be able to find within myself at least a bit of peace

And not to ask you for forgiveness too late

And also to be able to tell you mom… I’m sorry!

It’s not true anymore that I feel ashamed of you

And my soul, I can feel it, resembles you

I’ll wait patiently for another dream

I love you mom… write to me… your daughter