Legally Blonde [Musical] - There! Right There!

[ELLE]

There! Right there!

Look at that tanned, well tended skin

Look at the killer shape he's in

Look at that slightly stubbly chin

Oh, please, he's gay

Totally gay!

[CALLAHAN]

I'm not about to celebrate

Every trait could indicate

A totally straight expatriate

That guy's not gay

I say not gay

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

That is the elephant in the room

Well, is it relevant to assume

That a man who wears perfume

Is automatically, radically fae?

[EMMETT]

But look at his coiffed and crispy locks

[ELLE]

Look at his silk translucent socks

[CALLAHAN]

There's the eternal paradox

Look what we're seein'

[VIVIENNE]

What are we seein'?

[CALLAHAN]

Is he gay?

[ELLE]

Of course he's gay!

[CALLAHAN]

Or European?

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Ohhhh

Gay or European?

It's hard to guarantee

Is he gay or European?

[WARNER]

Well, hey, don't look at me!

[VIVIENNE]

You see they bring their boys up different

In those charming foreign ports

They play peculiar sports

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

In shiny shirts and tiny shorts

Gay or foreign fella?

The answer could take weeks

They both say things like "Ciao, Bella"

While they kiss you on both cheeks

[ELLE]

Oh, please

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Gay or European?

So many shades of gray

[WARNER]

Depending on the time of day

The French go either way

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Is he gay or European, or?

[ENID]

There, right there!

Look at that condescending smirk

Seen it on every guy at work

That is a metro, hetero jerk

That guy's not gay, I say, no way

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

That is the elephant in the room

Well is it relevant to presume

That a hottie in that costume

[VIVIENNE]

Is automatically, radically

[CALLAHAN]

Ironically, chronically

[ENID]

Certainly, flirtingly

[WARNER]

Genetically, medically

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Gay, offically gay

Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay

Damn it!

Gay or European?

[CALLAHAN]

So stylish and relaxed

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Is he gay or European?

[CALLAHAN]

I think his chest is waxed

[VIVIENNE]

But they bring their boys up different there

It's culturally diverse

It's not a fashion curse

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse

Gay or just exotic?

I still can't crack the code

[BROOKE]

Yeah, his accent is hypnotic

But his shoes are pointy toed

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Huh

Gay or European?

So many shades of gray

[JUDGE]

But if he turns out straight

I'm free at eight on Saturday

[CALLAHAN, ELLE, WARNER, VIVIENNE, BROOKE AND ENID]

Is he gay or European?

Gay or European?

Gay or Euro--

[EMMETT]

Wait a minute

Give me a chance to crack this guy

I have an idea I'd like to try

[CALLAHAN]

The floor is yours

[EMMETT]

So, Mr Argitakos

This alleged affair with Ms. Wyndham has been going on for?

[NIKOS]

Two years

[EMMETT]

And your first name again is?

[NIKOS]

Nikos

[EMMETT]

And your boyfriend's name is?

[NIKOS]

Carlos

I-I, sorry!

I misunderstand!

You say boyfriend

I thought you say best friend

Carlos is my best friend

[CARLOS]

You bastard!

You lying bastard!

That's it, I no cover for you no more!

Peoples, I have a big announcement

This man is gay AND European

[ENSEMBLE]

Whoa!

[CARLOS]

And neither is disgrace

You gotta stop your bein'

A completely closet case

It's me, not her he's seein'

No matter what he say

I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way

You are so gay, you big parfait

You flaming one man cabaret

[NIKOS]

I'm straight!

[CARLOS]

You were not yesterday

So if I may, I'm proud to say

He's gay

[ENSEMBLE]

And European!

[CARLOS]

He's gay

[ENSEMBLE]

And European!

[CARLOS]

He's gay

[ENSEMBLE]

And European

And gay

[NIKOS]

Fine, okay, I'm gay

[CARLOS/ENSEMBLE]

Hooray!