Le Père Noël noir [English translation]

It was none the less a year or two ago

That I didn't believe in him anymore

Nor that I ever believed in God anyway

Or in a 35-hour working week

Yet , overcome by remorse

I had put my Santiag shoes in front of the fireplace

Seeing that it was the 24th December

Maybe Santa Claus would shows up , who knows ?

Well , he did come , but my bad ...

Because of the TV-antenna

He had his legs entangled

And he'd fallen into the chimney

He exploded his bones against the floor

On my cute carpet of cinderblocks

There was soot and molars everywhere

Santa Claus is a moron !

My dear Santa Claus

Who came down from the sky

Go back to it as soon as possible

Before I slap your face

Before I give you a thrashing

Before I blow up your head !

I asked of him as gifts

A police officer panoply

A super Meccano box

And a membership card of the French Socialist Party

He frankly brought me nothing

Maybe he hadn't received my letter

Maybe I didn't use the right postage stamp

That works on his planet

Yet he wasn't ashamed at all

He already ruined my carpeted floor

He then collapsed on my sofa

And he got drunk with Pastis

He drank the whole bottle

Himself alone , this bastard !

He did the same with the wine

Santa Claus is a boozer !

My dear Santa Claus

Who came down from the sky

Go back to it as soon as possible

Before I slap your face

Before I give you a thrashing

Before I blow up your head !

He was drunk like a Polish , this guy !

He made a hell of a noise

He ransacked the whole house

Singing vulgar songs

He ravaged my plantations

All my harvest of Herbes de Provence

And please forgive me for the term

But he puked on it ! What elegance !

He left around 5 AM

With my boots and my black leather jacket

He also stole my axe

He just left me a huge mess

Luckily , my wife wasn't there

But if she'd been there he would have been gone with her

I don't wanna ever see him again in my house

I'm telling you : Santa Claus is a bastard !

My dear Santa Claus

Who came down from the sky

Go back to it as soon as possible

Before I slap your face

Before I give you a thrashing

Before I blow up your head !

Come on now , get out ...

Get outta here !

Because I tell you first that :

you're not even the true Santa Claus !

You're rather a true burglar , yeah !

Have you ever saw a black Santa Claus ?

It doesn't even exist !

God is black , that's for sure .

But Santa Claus is normal : he's white !

No , no ! Not the boots !

Yeah it's ok for the leather jacket

But not for the boots .

Please , I'm gonna call the Police , now ...

Please don't be stupid , leave out .

- What ? What did you say right now ?

No but it's not about what I said right now ...

If you can see , guy , I think that ... Well ! You see ?

- Don't you understand ?!

It's not that I'm attached to the boots ...

If you want them , I give them to you , Man !

But please not the leather jacket ...

What ? You want both ? Well ... Yeah okay ! No problem !

It's alright for the boots and the leather jacket ...

What ? My wife ? Yeah , she's up there .

You wanna see her ? Okay ... Dominique !

There's a guy down here that wanna see you ...