1
I’ll introduce you my family,
no tricks, no cheating:
it’s the most wretched in Italy.
Although we suffer much,
we have good ratings:
we’re the ones with the highest audience share.
My parents: two old ginks,
they insulted each other for half an hour
on C’eravamo tanto amati.2
Out of shame, uncle Evaristo
hid, the poor sod;
they reported him to Chi l’ha visto?.3
Ginetto from the Idroscalo,4
when his wife leaves him alone,5
cries on air with Sandra Milo.6
To say nothing of my brother:
they broke his neck;
now he plays the dead man on Telefono giallo.7
What’s your name? Where are you calling from?
There are lots of prizes for everyone.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Many tokens, many millions.8
Hello? Hello? Hello?
With Berlusconi or with Rai.9
And I have some relatives down in Aspromonte;10
I have seen them again – they’re nice and happy –
on the kidnapping TV special.
Whereas in Rome there’s uncle Renzo,
who is illiterate, but he wrote a novel;
he’s always there on the Maurizio Costanzo’s.11
And what a [bad] luck for grandma Piera,
who killed her lover with a lupara:12
she was sentenced to 20 years on Un giorno in pretura.13
My uncle – a crossdresser called Wanda –
has been making money – he bought a Panda –14
since he appeared on Samarcanda.15
[My uncle, who lost his goat in the mountains
– a goat who had been his partner for years –
caused even Castagna to cry.16]
What’s your name? Where are you calling from?
There are lots of prizes for everyone.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Many tokens, many millions.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
With Berlusconi or with Rai.
Who’s left? Oh right, there’s Tito;
he’s gone totally gaga,
he plays the former brigatista on Zavoli’s.17
[Angelino, who has a weird eye;
they all saw him in a close-up shot
during a TV special about San Patrignano.18]
[Who’s next? Oh right, Tamara:
a big slut from viale Zara,19
who gave lessons to Giuliano Ferrara.20]
Finally, there’s grandpa Renato,
who’s got AIDS since he was born;
he had a success worthy of Mino Damato.21
I’ve introduced you my family,
no tricks, no cheating:
it’s the most wretched in Italy.
The smiling Bel Paese –22
where we happily exploit
people’s misfortunes.
What’s your name? Where are you calling from?
We’re all getting dumb.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
We’re all becoming morons.23
Hello? Hello? Hello?
With Berlusconi or with Rai.
1. This song is from 1991 (lyrics by Gian Piero Alloisio and Ombretta Colli, music by Giorgio Gaber).
Afterwards, it has been modified and updated to new TV programs, both by Gaber and by other artists.2. C’eravamo tanto amati {we used to love each other so much} was a TV program based on live quarreling between husband and wife.3. Chi l’ha visto? {who has seen him?} is a TV program that tells the story of missing people and tries to collect information to find them.4. The Idroscalo di Milano {Milan’s seaplane base} is a place where people go on summer trips or to practice sports.5. Or ‟quando la moglie lo manda affanculo” {when his wife tells him to fuck off}.6. Sandra Milo is an actress and TV presenter.
Among her programs is L’amore è una cosa meravigliosa {love is a wonderful thing}, which is also known for a gross prank on the presenter – they called her on the phone during the show and told her that her son had been the victim of a road accident.7. Telefono giallo {yellow phone} was a TV program retracing crime news stories.8. The participants who win money on Italian TV shows cannot legally be paid in cash, so they get paid in gold tokens.9. The 6 main Italian TV channels (which get the vast majority of the audience share) are owned either by Rai (the TV state agency) or Mediaset (which is owned by the businessman and politician Silvio Berlusconi).10. Aspromonte {harsh mount} is a mountainous area in Calabria, southern Italy. It is infamous for the several ransoms that happened there.
(see also here)11. The Maurizio Costanzo Show is a talk show hosted by Maurizio Costanzo.12. lupara is a sawn-off shotgun usually associated with the Sicilian mafia.13. Un giorno in pretura {one day in the magistrates’ court} is a TV program retracing criminal cases.14. Panda is a car make by Fiat.15. Samarcanda was a talk show about latest news.16. Alberto Castagna was the host of Stranamore {strangelove}, a TV program trying to help troubled couples kindling their love again.17. In Italy, pentito {regretful} denotes a former criminal who is now collaborating with justice.
Sergio Zavoli is a journalist who hosted La notte della Repubblica {the night of the Republic}; it was a program making analysis about the anni di piombo {years of lead; referring to the lead used in producing bullets}, the period across the 70s and the 80s when Italy was the victim of political terrorism by groups like Brigate Rosse {red brigades}.18. San Patrignano is a rehabilitation center for drug addicts.
In 1992, it was involved in an inquiry about the death of Roberto Maranzano due to mistreatment (he was a guest of the center).19. Viale Zara {Zara boulevard} is a street in Milan which is known for prostitution.20. Giuliano Ferrara is a journalist who is often blamed for aligning himself with one politician or another just for personal profit; first with PCI (an Italian communist party), then with PSI (an Italian socialist party; lead by politician/criminal Bettino Craxi), then with Forza Italia (right-wing party) lead by Silvio Berlusconi.
So, he’s blamed for selling himself, like a prostitute does. Moreover, Ferrara is known for being extremely fat, so he takes lessons from a ‟big whore”.21. Mino Damato was a journalist and TV presenter who raised to an enormous success for firewalking during an episode of the show Domenica In {Sunday in} in the 80s.22. Bel Paese {beautiful country} is an appellation for Italy.23. Or ‟Tutti cretini, tutti coglioni” {Everyone is [becoming] a fool, everyone is [becoming] a moron}.