Just leave everything to me

I have always been a woman who arranges things

For the pleasure, and the profit, it derives

I have always been a woman who arranges things

Like furniture and daffodils and lives

If you want your sister courted, brother wed, or cheese imported

Just leave everything to me

If you want your roof inspected, eyebrows tweezed, or bills collected

Just leave everything to me

If you want your daughter dated, or some marriage consummated

For a rather modest fee

If you want a husband spotted, boyfriend traced, or chicken potted

I'll arrange for making all arrangements

Just leave everything to me

If you want your ego bolstered, muscles toned, or chair upholstered

Just leave everything to me

Charming social introductions, expert mandolin instructions

Just leave everything to me

If you want your culture rounded, french improved, or torso pounded

With a ten year guarantee

If you want a birth recorded, collies bred, or kittens ported

I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure

Just leave everything to me

If you want a law abolished, jury swayed, or toenails polished

Just leave everything to me

If you want your liver tested, glasses made, cash invested

Just leave everything to me

If you want your children coddled, corsets pulled, or furs remodeled

Or some nice, fresh fricassee

If you want your bustle shifted, wedding planned, or bosom lifted

Don't be ashamed girls

Life is full of secrets, and I keep 'em

I'll discretely use my own discretion

I'll arrange for making all arrangements

I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure

Just leave everything to me