Илья Муромец [Ilya Muromets] [English translation]

Elijah went out for a walk

To kick ass of the foes

He sees the stone standing

And writing on it reads:

"If you go straight - you will find a wife

If you go right - your horse will die

If you move left - you yourself will die"

Elijah scratched his dick against his shield.

Elijah from Murom is a tough guy

Elijah from Murom beat them all

Elijah will protect russian ppl

Elijah from Murom will kick everyone's ass

Elijah went left: there's a house standing there

And there's a witch in the house

He put her in a doggy position

Fucked her and everything is all right.

Elijah went right: there is Nightingale The Robber there

and he whistles to everyone

"Hey, Nightingale, do you know me?

You will become a faggot now"

Elijah went straight: there's a wife there.

"Why the fuck do i need you?

I will better drink 10 bottles of vodka

And will go kick asses of tatars" [historic foes of russians]