[Student:]
Hello?
[Teacher:]
I’m a musical teacher
And I’m here to spread some knowledge
I can make you really smart
So your dumb ass can go to college
Math, English, Science, Spanish, Sexual Education
World Wars, Algebra, Shakespeare and condensation
[Student:]
Why am I the only person here?
[Teacher:]
Don’t be a bitch
Have no fear
I’m going to teach you so much shit
You couldn’t learn in a year
[Student:]
This is ridiculous
[Teacher:]
Ridiculous, periculous, meticulous
These are all adjectives
See grammar is limitless
[Student:]
Okay I get it
Could we just start
[Teacher:]
If you really want to take my class
Then you have to sing or I’m afraid you won’t pass
[Student:]
I’m not singing
[Teacher:]
Oh, that answer makes me very sad
Cause I’m gonna have to call your mom and dad
[Student:]
Are you serious?
[Teacher:]
Fuck, fuck, yes
[Student:]
Why?
[Teacher:]
I’m your teacher and I know what’s best
[Student:]
Okay man, are you happy now?
[Teacher:]
Holy cow
[Student:]
It seems like you got me to sing somehow
Please get on with this class
Cause you’re really really starting to be a pain in my ass
[Teacher:]
I’m telling you that learning is fun
You’ll be the smartest mother fucker in the world when I’m done
[Student:]
How?
[Teacher:]
Knowledge is power
[Student:]
Sorry for being sour
Teacher
I got a whole hour
Student
You can’t convince me that
Both
Learning is fun fun fun fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun
Learning is really fucking fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun
Fun fun fun fun fun fun
Really really really fucking fucking fun
Student
All right so where do we start
Teacher
Let’s talk about World War II
Student
Was it cool?
Teacher
It was a really really really shitty time to be a Jew
The year was 1932
Student
What happened?
Teacher
When Hitler came to power and he acted like a douche
Pearl Harbor was attacked in ‘41
Student
That sucks
Teacher
Then a couple weeks later, USA joined the fun
The whole damn world began shooting one another
Student
Shit
Teacher
Shit is right
Let’s be nice to each other
Student
So why should I care about this World War stuff?
Teacher
Cause if we make the same mistakes
Then shit would really really suck
Student
I’m just happy that we’re no longer in 1932
Teacher
I’m just glad we don’t have Hitler
Cause damn
Both
He was such a freakin douche
Douchy douche douche
Douchy douchy douche douch
Douche douchy douche douche
Douchy douche douche
Hilter was a douche
Douchy douche douche
Douchy douchy douche douche
Douche douchy douche douche
Douchy douche douche
Hilter was a douche
Teacher
If I take this tube of weird blue shit
And I put this red stuff inside of it
Well then wow
Student
Whoa
Teacher
There you go
Student
Was that a chemical reaction?
Teacher
Yup
Science is dope
Student
I guess
Teacher
Take this can of flammable shit
And combine it with this lighter
I can make shit lit baby
Boom
Student
What the hell?
Teacher
Now, wasn’t that swell?
I’ll tell you man
Science can be cool as hell
Science is cool yeah
Both
Science is cool
I said science is cool yeah
Science is cool
Science is cool yeah
Science is cool
I said science is cool yeah
Science is cool
Student
Yeah
That was weird
Teacher
Math is the shit
Because it’s always all around you
Numbers, calculations and equations will astound you
Two times two is
Student
Four
Teacher
And my ex-girlfriend is a whore
But it’s cool
Ten minus seven is
Student
Three
Teacher
And that was my age when my dad left me
Half of twenty is
Student
Ten
Teacher
You know I only have one friend
And it’s you
Five times a hundred fifty million two-hundred ninety-six thousand seven hundred ninety three is
Student
Uh, I have no idea
Teacher
Great
Both
Math is the shit
Because it’s always all around you
Numbers, calculations and equations will astound you
Yeah
Teacher
It’s time to wrap this up
I think this class is now dismissed
Student
Well I don’t think that I’ve ever enjoyed learning quite like this
Teacher
Man I hope that you learned something
That you never learned before
Student
I learned that Hitler was a douchebag
And your girlfriend was a whore
Both
We can all learn something
From a formal education
Student
I think I’m ready for graduation
Teacher
Actually we have a bit of a situation
Student
What?
Teacher
I’m not a, I’m not a real teacher
Student
Wait, what?
Teacher
So
Student
I need this class to gradate
Teacher
I’m sorry bro