[Thomas Jefferson]
When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary for a battle to commence
Then kpow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill!
I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills
Let me run down my résumé, will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States, sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat dick
When it comes to declarations, I'm the first draft pick
I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware!
I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true
But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three-piece suit
Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepé Le Pew
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention third President, the fuck'd you do?
[Frederick Douglass]
You finished? Okay.
Straight outta bondage! A brainy mother fucker here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues!
Starting with your nickel, there's a real declaration
Heads for racist, tails for slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello, hello!
But now you're facing me, Freddy D.
I'd never work for your ass, but I'll kick it for free
Your stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing
Check my photos: now, that's real muggin'
The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man
No compromise, you couldn't whip a fifth of me, man
You got a self-evident truth of your own
You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!
[Thomas Jefferson]
Aw, Frederick, I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright, I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated
But I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used were "hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy. Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it. You're free now, so…we cool?
[Frederick Douglass]
This ain't Louisiana, man: I ain't buying it
You talk about freedom, but you ain't applying shit
So no, we ain't cool, you founding absentee father
Man, you had six babies with your slave mama
And never even bothered to free her when you died on the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday
But what the fuck does it mean to this guy?
'Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights
And we the people stopped meaning we the people who are white
Man, you did some good things, I ain't denying your fame
I'm just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name.