Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson lyrics

[Thomas Jefferson]

When in the course of human events

It becomes necessary for a battle to commence

Then kpow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill!

I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills

Let me run down my résumé, will ya?

Set up a little place called the United States, sound familiar?

I told King George he could eat a fat dick

When it comes to declarations, I'm the first draft pick

I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware!

I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair

I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true

But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU

Looking like a skunk in a three-piece suit

Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepé Le Pew

First Secretary of State, VP number two

Not to mention third President, the fuck'd you do?

[Frederick Douglass]

You finished? Okay.

Straight outta bondage! A brainy mother fucker here to diss you

Big hair, big nuts, big issues!

Starting with your nickel, there's a real declaration

Heads for racist, tails for slave plantation

You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow

Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello, hello!

But now you're facing me, Freddy D.

I'd never work for your ass, but I'll kick it for free

Your stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing

Check my photos: now, that's real muggin'

The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man

No compromise, you couldn't whip a fifth of me, man

You got a self-evident truth of your own

You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!

[Thomas Jefferson]

Aw, Frederick, I've never heard a verse I dug less

Alright, I admit it, I confess

I participated in a broken system that I hated

But I needed to keep my financial status situated

And the words I used were "hideous blot"

To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought

And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia

When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner

So forgive me, I was busy. Man, I had a lot to do

But we did it. You're free now, so…we cool?

[Frederick Douglass]

This ain't Louisiana, man: I ain't buying it

You talk about freedom, but you ain't applying shit

So no, we ain't cool, you founding absentee father

Man, you had six babies with your slave mama

And never even bothered to free her when you died on the 4th of July

It's a very important holiday

But what the fuck does it mean to this guy?

'Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865

The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified

And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights

And we the people stopped meaning we the people who are white

Man, you did some good things, I ain't denying your fame

I'm just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name.