[Donald Trump]
Wake up, Scrooge! I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump
On this lonely, homely little miserable grump
I'm like the star on a Christmas tree! You're like the stump
I'm not known for my heart, but you're still getting trumped
You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini 'cause you disgust me
Keep your TB from Tiny Timmy away from me, don't even touch me
I don't shake hands; I don't make fans
I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands
Even Jay-Z knows what a pimp I am
I got my name on the front of the business, man
My raps will haunt you, make you think you're going insane
You're about to get whooped by three emcees of the ethereal plane
So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain
'Cause I'm out! I got my own f***ing problems, call me 2 Chainz!
[Ebenezer Scrooge]
How dare you disturb me when I'm napping in my chair
You're a crappy rap-spitting apparition
I ain't scared of this random phantom
Haunt all you want, I don't care
I do not believe in ghosts, and I don't believe that hair!
[J. P. Morgan]
Don't panic, Scrooge, but you're about to crash
I'm J. P. Morgan, the Ghost of Rich Dudes Past
Who's properly rocking the Monopoly mustache
Yo, I own the railroad! I run these tracks!
You got dumped on a bench, now you're pissed at the world
You should have made like Sebastian and kissed the girl
Because your greed is the curse that's gonna tear you apart
What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?
[Ebenezer Scrooge]
Bah, humbug! Your raps don't unnerve me, they're atrocious!
What frightens me the most is your gross ghost proboscis
Business and success: that's the life I've selected
So enough with your pictures from the past! I'm not affected!
[Kanye West]
Well, you're about to be right now
I'm the ghost of what's right now
Ah! Just take a lesson from Yeezy
You're missing the point, Ebeneezy
There's more to life than your work, take it easy
Even I can make time for Azizy!
Best put some friends on your wish list
'Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas
If you did, then you would, at this moment
Be sharing your money with some of the homeless!
[Ebenezer Scrooge]
No! This isn't happening!
Oh, this is maddening agony! Wait! Actually
Harkening back to the dead Donald's lecture
I still am expecting a final specter!
[The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come]
Boo! (Ah!) You're gonna die
With no one to love you and no one to cry
Alone by yourself on the bed of your death
With the stench of regret on your last dying breath
'Cause you've chosen the path of a selfish man
With Tiny Tim's innocent blood on your hands
The penance you pay for the way you behave
Is written as plain as the name on this grave!
[Ebenezer Scrooge]
Are these the shadows of things that will be?
Or things that may be, only?
If I depart from my course, can they change?
Say it is thus with what you show me
I promise to mend my ways
A friend to all men is what I will become
It's Christmas! I haven't missed my chance to be different!
God bless us, every—