There somewhere deep inside me
This old animal is hiding
It is the animal called "longing"
That tears through my body
It rages, scratches and bites and shrieks
And burrows through my soft flesh
The creature, it doesn't let me have any peace
I entice it and grab it
"Now I have you! Now you're mine!
I'll smash in your skull!"
"No, don't do anything to me! I can't help it!
I'm just a wild animal."
The animal, it whispers in my ear
"I propose a trade:
Unfortunately, I'm stuck fast in you,
However, if you let me live,
No more biting or raging
For that you'll never feel empty again
For that you'll never be alone any more
I will always be inside you."
I contemplate and think to myself:
"Perhaps I'll never again find an animal."
I agree, answer its plea,
So it shall be, so it shall be done.
It lies down, makes itself very small
Rolls itself into a ball
So the animal sleeps year after year
And often I forget about it completely
In the seventh year, one day,
It's gone! But where it lay
Lies a gossamer cocoon, so white and fine
Where has the animal remained?
But don't I hear, when I listen carefully,
A throbbing from the cotton wool?
I don't think any more about it
Yet now and then I lie awake at night
And it gets stronger every day
Already it sounds like a beating drum
My head splits immediately, it bursts with pain
Be silent, damned heart of thunder!
But woe! The cocoon is empty
The old creature, it is no more
Instead there is I know not what
A shape, pale as a corpse
Enormous with black wings
I ask myself "What the hell is that?
What kind of awful thing is that?
By my soul! It's a butterfly!
The eyes stare at me full of rage
And thirst, I know it wants my blood
It opens its mouth for a kiss
I know that I must die now
It smiles gently and bends over
And whispers softly in my ear:
"It's not fault! I can't help it.
I'm just a wild animal."
Have you missed me?
Have you missed me?