Диагностика Кармы [Diagnostika Karmy] [English translation]

I showed up through the advertisement in a newspaper:

"Diagnostics of Karma. Five days. No toll."

You were dressed up in some wrappers,

And you told me: “You have a Soul.”

You said that in my previous life I was a pharaoh, duh!

Alexander the Great and also Leo Tolstoy,

That I should call you Esmeralda,

And stop act as an emotional decoy.

You enforced me to breath pranayama,

To sing the whole day long “Sayaram”.

I’m a normal dude, you should tell me without drama,

Without letting me walk on hot coals like a lamb.

For lunch I ate cactus as you persuaded,

You forced me into a lotus pose for every setback,

Even your favorite Don Juan Castaneda

Would not drive folks into this cul-de-sac.

I rumbled through the house, I was looking for exit,

To get anywhere, as long as to get outside.

Meanwhile, Ahuramazda1 asked for my ransom,

And Buddha had placed the hedgehogs in my shoes to reside.

You messed up my chakras to prevent me from leaving,

And melted my mind set to stars.

Look into my eyes, Esmeralda,

Can you recall a time when I lied?

In vain you knock on my doors,

Telling me that your method can cure;

Even The Path to Yourself magazine would never believe

All things that you forced me to endure.

Finally, I climbed out the window,

Feeling that left a part of myself behind.

What’s the matter, Esmeralda?

Are you still here to hide?

1. The highest spirit worshipped in Zoroastrianism