Ladies and Gentlemen, the ICE to Frankfurt/Main
Is currently pulling in to the platform opposite from where it normally does
The departure of this train was supposed to be 14:02
But it turns out not to have been because it’s already 14:30
Unfortunately with us, things often go differently to what one would expect
Today we connected the carriages incorrectly
The serialisation of the wagons went just the opposite of as planned
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the stationmaster who is speaking
To speak normally is unfortunately an ability I do not possess
Despite this, you’ll get the service you’ve come to expect from us
First in German and then in English with a heavy accent
Firstly I’d like to recommend the special deal offered by our bistro (without hiding my disgust)
Meatloaf and a softdrink for €7,10
But before you even make your purchase you can look forward to standing in a long queue for it
Ladies and gentleman, thank you for traveling with us
At ridiculous prices
On worn-out tracks
While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!
Ladies and gentlemen, our current delay is caused by a cow that is standing on the tracks in front of us
But please, please don’t be unhappy with us
We’ve simply been a public enterprise for too long
Should you require the restroom during your journey
We recommend that you clean it yourself before you use it
Best used is a bottle of Dettol liquid soap
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!
Ladies and gentleman, thank you for traveling with us
At ridiculous prices
On worn-out tracks
While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!
Ladies and gentleman
Due to poor service our heating system is currently defunct
But otherwise all our climate control systems are ready to be used at your convenience, although they only work up until 32 degrees Celsius
We have a theory but currently lack any proof:
In winter it gets cold and in summer it gets hot
You can look forward to freezing cold and sweltering heat with us
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for traveling with
us
At ridiculous prices
On worn-out tracks
While we thank you for your patience repeatedly and spontaneously
Ssenk ju for trewweling wiss Deutsche Bahn!