Dear Abby lyrics

Dear Abby

Got a problem...

I'm a decent, underpaid, hard-working county coroner

It's important that my family eats meat at least three times a week

But we just can't afford to with prices the way they are

So I bring home some choice cuts from my autopsy subjects

Just mix in the Tuna Helper and ta-da!

Dear Abby

Got a problem...

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious

They ask me "what's your secret?"

Abby, I think they're getting suspicious

My smart-ass eight year old keeps asking "Where's all the meat?"

The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge

If they find out the truth, I don't think they'll understand

Abby, what do I tell my family?

Dear Reaganomics victim

Consult your clergyman

Make sure the body's blessed

And everything should be just fine

Just fine