Cleaning Out My Closet lyrics

Now, this might get a little personal. Or a lot actually. Parental discretion is advised. Yo, look, look.

When I was 10, shit

I believed I could fly

I would just flap my fucking arms

And try to meet with the sky

And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with God

And then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine

But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind

So I'mma take you fuckers back into the vortex of time

When I was 7

Envision me at the bottom of stairs

And I solemnly swear that this is the truth

No fallacy here

See I was young man

I was just a toddler a kid

And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did

He took me to the basement

And after the lights had been cut

He whipped it and sodomized and forced his cock through my gut

See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind

And then it happened like it happened like millions of times

And I would swear that I would tell

But they would think I was lying

And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine

So now I got used to it

I put up with the shit

And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit

But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do

And they ate it up

Shit I was like a buffet for 2

And then it happened in a home where every-fucking-one knew

And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth

I'm sorry mom

But I really used to blame it on you

But even you

By then wouldn't know what to do

And now it happened so often that he was getting particular

And I'm more scared every time worked on my speed and ventricular

One night he came home and I was 'sleep in my bed

He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs

He told me,

"Hey ray, I see you like them Popsicle sticks

So put your mouth on my dick

And suck and swallow this spit"

And I was confused

But I was scared

So I did what he said

I had no idea the affect it would have on my head

My heart was pumping

It was thumping with like tons of my fear

Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear

I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt

Disgusting, right?

Now let that feeling ring through your guts

I thought of offing myself

I thought of killing these niggas

Wanted to take a fucking brick and push their teeth through their liver

Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts

Wanted to rip it out and just

Fucking step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men

But that didn't keep out of motherfucking reach of my sin

And psychologically

I was just as fucked as they come

I was confused

I had to prove

I wasn't fucked from the jump

I was afraid of myself

I had no love for myself

I tried to kill

I tried to hide

I tried to run from myself

There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was

So I'd create the other people I would try to become

Sexuality came into play

And with as scarred as I was

I was extremely scared of men

So I started liking girls

I started starving myself

Fucked up my bodily health

I didn't wanna be attractive to nobody else

I didn't want the appeal

Wanted to stunt my own growth

But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show

I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow

My mental state is out of date and that's as far as I know

My biggest problem was fear

And what being fearful could do

It made me run

It made me hide

It made me scared of the truth

I'm not deranged anymore

I'm not the same anymore

I mean I'm sane

But I'm insane

But not the same as before

I had to deal with my shit

I had to look at my truth

To understand that to grow

You gotta look at your root

I had to cut off the dead

I had to make myself proud

And I'm just standing living breathing proof

Look at me now

I made it through everything

I made you look like a clown

I'm fucking great

Can't fucking hate you nigga

Look at me now

And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground

The makings of a legend are often hidden in trials

So just be strong

And just move on

And just accept what you can

Because it makes your story better when you read it

The end

There's a story behind every single scar that I show

I made it out

This a me nobody's gotten before

I had to open my wounds

I had to bleed 'til I stop

Thanks for joining me here

As I cleaned out my closet

I said I opened my wounds

I had to bleed 'til I stop

Thanks for joining me here

As I cleaned out my closet judge