Santa:
Each bell would peal with a silvery zeal
As the holiday feeling was filling us.
But now instead, all we're feeling is dread
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves:
Each Christmas list gets us more and more pissed
Till the thought of existence is chilling us.
Santa:
I'll tell you what. Shove your list up your butt, because...
Santa and Elves:
Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie:
But can't you see that what you do
Is a dream come true?
Can't you see that every smile
Makes it all worthwhile?
Santa:
No, screw you! It's all but through,
There's too much to do.
All those dreams are nightmares
And blank, icy stares.
Each little elf used to fill up a shelf
Making playthings and selflessly thrilling us.
Now they're on crack and it feels like Iraq
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves:
Each model train only heightens the pain
Of the workload that's straining and drilling us.
Santa:
Fingers all bleed. And look! That guy just peed
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie:
But can't you see our point of view?
We rely on you.
Can't you see that Christmas cheer
Gets us through the year?
Santa:
My whole crew is black and blue.
Can't you take a clue?
You may think I look great,
But I'm twenty-eight!
Santa and Elves:
Each jingle-bell is a requiem knell,
And while you think it's swell, we are toiling in Hell!
Santa:
Take a look, you can tell, as a man, I'm a shell!
Santa and Elves:
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Killing us!
Christmastime is killing us!