Cateto [English translation]

There was a man who lived in Chicago 1

And grass would grow on his face

He was sad

On his face, grass

On his head, plants with falling leaves

To cut his hair he’d use a chainsaw

Then, there was a woman living in Erba 2

She was really beautiful, however

Her pores would secrete excrements instead of sweat

A sad situation because of the unfortunate secretion

Poop out of her face

She was sad

He decided that, to be happy

He had to emigrate from there

Farewell to the Chicagoan frustrations

Farewell to the main railroad hub

He went to the airport

To fly to Erba

And to find there grass

On people’s faces

She, on the other hand,

For a coincidence you may find strange

Took off from Erba

Heading to Chicago

This name was inspiring

In the stinky girl a new hope.

Right after the take-off

People wanted to kick her out

But fate was in ambush

In the form of the pilot

Who, passed out because of the exhalations,

In his pilot dream became a kamikaze

And aimed to the airplane

Flying from Chicago to Erba

The flash caused by the impact

Shone on the two faces

One green, the other one not

And, falling, he saw her

And, falling, she saw him

“Let me introduce myself, my name is Jonathan Grass”

Said him, darting into the blue

“Pardon my audacity, but I do reckon

That we’re going to die soon, quite soon

Both because of the impact on the ground,

Both because of the serious crash

And, if I may, also because of the shock

We both suffered a while ago”

“Don’t mention it, dear friend

I too am very well aware of the fact

That our time is running out

And to prove you it’s true

I’ll put my tongue inside your mouth”

The contact of the two faces

Together with the passion of love

Fixed that tragedy

Grass grew instantaneously long

Because of the fertilizing effect

Poop plus love do more miracles

Than people would think

But love’s light

Was shadowed by the smell

That bitch was emanating

And the unlucky lover, retreating instantaneously

Rejected the hug and said “tsk!”

And wrapped himself in the grass

Falling on the ground

He said: “I die on the ground”

She fell on him and died because of that

Creating on the spot the happy flowerbed of love

Meantime, two hillbillies

Busy there digging grooves

Saw the event (“Look, an event!”)

And said: “A miracle!” (“A miracle!”)

“These overlapping corpses

Are a heavenly admonishment

Soon, great celebrations (“Soon, celebrations”)

To honour the fertilizer

Which made our fields fecund!”

And this story’s moral is

Shit is not as ugly as people draw it 3

1. In order to understand the song, please consider that “Chicago” in Italian sounds something like “I shit on that”. Also, consider the fact that the title is completely unrelated to the rest of the song, as clearly stated by the singer himself (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EvFH4gneE4&t=40s).2. The name of this Italian city literally means "grass".3. An Italian proverb says “the devil is not as ugly as people draw him”, meaning that a person or a situation thought to be or described as unfavourable turns out to be not as much bad.