She used to say: I’ve walked on for far too long
My heart is already too heavy with secrets
Too heavy with sorrows
She used to say: I won’t go on any further
What awaits me I’ve already been through
It’s no longer worth it
She used to say life was cruel
She no longer believed in the sun
Or in what churches left unsaid
Even my smiles would scare her
Winter it was at the bottom of her heart
The wind had never been colder
The rain harsher than on that evening
Of the day she turned twenty
That evening when she put out the fire
Behind the blind of her eyes
In a flash of white
She has no doubt got back to heaven
She’s shining beside the sun
As do the new churches
But if, since that evening, I’ve been crying
It’s because it’s cold
At the bottom of my heart