Căpitane, raportez! [English translation]

[Mix (FreakaDaDisk)]

I don't have time for nonsense!

Why?

[Intro (Cheloo)]

I jam like this, *uh!*

I jam like this, *ah!*

I jam like this, *uh!*

I jam like this, *ah!*

I jam like this, *ah!*

I jam like this, *ah!*

I jam like this, *uh!*

I jam like this...

[Stanza 1 (Cheloo)]

Reporting in, Captain! Life is sweet in general,

Our national heroes are getting drunk on social assistance.

We have anti-missile shield1, anti-blowjob toy shovel,

World's number one at jumping on heels.

We have the key to success and the map to the treasure,

Elite troops trained at the dance pole.

We have the five-year plan developed while drinking

And a reaction force tested on the beltway.2

Reporting in, Captain! We're still fighting, we armed ourselves,

We have snow and crystals, we have weed and shit.

We have HDTV and internet almost for free

And two hundred channels about how to be a moron.

He have porn and soap opera on mobile without coupling,

Music with no message, called dressage.

We have bitches with principles obsessed by outfits,

Ass naked on high heels at the club, in pyjamas at home.

[Refrain (Ombladon, Cheloo)]

Happiness is in crutches, blowing all of us,

Safety and trust3 are knocking at our gates.

Here, behind closed doors, lots are drawn,4

The fun starts when you can't stand yourself anymore.

[Mix (FreakaDaDisk)]

You're a dead man!

You were listening...

The procedure is simple.

Y'know, I'll count to three.

One...

Two... *BANG!*

Please, continue!

[Stanza 2 (Ombladon)]

And how nice it is on the street, the man is fragile like the lady.

If the war starts, are we gonna defend our country with Solcanu and Zara?5

They sold our country, fuck them in the mouth again!

Don't you see that Mega Image has invaded us and the local grocery store is gone?

We are all right, Captain, considering though

That we're foolishly playing with fire here near the Russians.

The majority of women are beautiful and dumb,

But we like them that way, so we don't have a problem with that, bro!

The trees took steps, left the borders,

The whores from the parliament are making money, hospitals are falling on us.

Well, Captain, it looks like we're back to square one

Now that the government is corrupt and the president is mute.

Teenage girls are making money without getting out of bed,

They work often with dick or... *pew-pew* video chat.

Whether it's good or bad, we don't know, but we're still pedalling.

I kissed you on the wallet, ending transmission, Captain!

[Refrain (Ombladon, Cheloo)]

Happiness is in crutches, blowing all of us,

Safety and trust are knocking at our gates.

Here, behind closed doors, lots are drawn,

The fun starts when you can't stand yourself anymore.

[Mix (FreakaDaDisk)]

We fell on our asses, and we want to hear something.

His head hurts, he feels sick.

Yeah... It seems he likes this song.

We have to be careful with alcohol.

You haven't renounced, have you?6

[Refrain (Ombladon, Cheloo)]

Happiness is in crutches, blowing all of us,

Safety and trust are knocking at our gates.

Here, behind closed doors, lots are drawn,

The fun starts when you can't stand yourself anymore.

[Mix (FreakaDaDisk)]

They're very small, done. (?)7

Oh, I didn't expect something like that!

Oh, I didn't expect something like that!

Too many people who are all talk no action!

Too bad you can't use dynamite here.

1. Reference to the missile defense system at Deveselu, Olt County, Romania. The entire song is actually full of (hidden or not-so-hidden) references to various aspects of contemporary Romanian society.2. Witty language here. The beltway or ring road is the usual place where prostitutes are hitchhiking in search of costumers. This verse, along with a previous one, hints that the "troops" are made of strippers and prostitutes.3. Reference to the "Safety and Trust" slogan of the Romanian Police.4. To draw lots = to make a decision by picking one of several items (like straws, slips of paper etc.) at random.5. Mircea Solcanu and Mircea Zara, both of them Romanian TV hosts and gay men.6. Not clear whether he says "You wouldn't renounce, would you?" or "You haven't renounced, have you?". In Romanian, the difference between them is one extra letter.7. This line is indistinct, so I'm basically trying to guess what the man says...