Brush Up Your Shakespeare lyrics

The girls today in society

Go for classical poetry

So to win their hearts one must quote with ease

Aeschylus and Euripides.

One must know Homer and, b'lieve me, Bo,

Sophocles... also Sappho-ho!

Unless you know Shelley, and Keats, and Pope

Dainty Debbies will call you a dope.

But the poet of them all,

Who will start 'em simply ravin',

Is the poet people call

The Bard of Stratford-on-Avon!

(Refrain)

Brush up your Shakespeare.

Start quoting him now.

Brush up your Shakespeare.

And the women you will wow.

Just declaim a few lines from "Othella,"

And they'll think you're a helluva fella.

If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er.

Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer!

If she fights when her clothes you are mussing...

What are clothes? "Much Ado About Nussing!"

Brush up your Shakespeare,

And they'll all kowtow.

With the wife of the British ambessida,

Try a crack out of "Troilus and Cressida."

If she says she won't buy it or tike it,

Make her tike it, what's more, "As You Like It."

If she says your behavior is heinous,

Kick her right in the "Coriolanus!"

Brush up your Shakespeare,

And they'll all kowtow.

If you can't be a ham and do "Hamlet,"

They will not give a damn or a damnlet.

Just recite an occasional sonnet,

And your lap'll have "Honey" upon it.

When your baby is pleading for pleasure,

Let her sample your "Measure For Measure!"

Brush up your Shakespeare,

And they'll all kowtow.

Better mention "The Merchant Of Venice,"

When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace.

If her virtue, at first, she defends---well,

Just remind her that "All's Well That Ends Well"!

And if still she won't give you a bonus,

You know what Venus got from Adonis!

Brush up your Shakespeare,

And they'll all kowtow.

Thinkst thou?

And they'll all kowtow.

If your goil is a Washington Heights dream,

Treat the kid to "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

If she then wants an all-by-herself night,

Let her rest ev'ry 'leventh or "Twelfth Night."

If because of your heat she gets huffy,

Simply play on and "Lay on, MacDuffy!"

Brush up your Shakespeare.

And they'll all kowtow.

Thinkst thou?

And they'll all kowtow.