Big Weenie

[Intro]

I don't understand!

Why are you being so mean?

You're a mean, mean man!

[Hook]

You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things about me

'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me

'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see

You're really just a big weenie, big weenie

[Verse 1]

All right listen, I need you to focus

I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important

We are going to perform an experiment of the sorts

I'm going to have to ask you to bear with me for a moment

Now I need you to open your mind — your eyes, close 'em

You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis

For the next four and a half minutes, we are going to explore

Into your mind to find out why you're so fucking jealous

Now why did they make Yoo-Hoo? Pippity-kaka-poo-poo

Psyche! I'm kidding, I just wanted to see if you're still listening

Okay, now I need your undivided attention

Sir, I have a question, why do I always sense this

Undeniable tension, from the moment that I enter into the room

It gets all quiet and whispers?

Whenever there's conversation, why am I always mentioned?

I've been dying to ask, it's been itching at me, is it just because

[Hook]

You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things about me

'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me

'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see

You're really just a big weenie, big weenie

[Verse 2]

Alright now I (Shit), I just flubbed a line

I was going to say something extremely important

But I forgot who or what it was, I fucked up

Psyche! I'm kidding again you idiot, no I didn't

That's just what you wanted to hear from me is that I fucked up, ain't it?

But I can bust one take without looking at no paper

It doesn't take a bunch of takes or me to stand here in this booth all day

For me to say the truth, okay? You're drooling, you have tooth decay

Your mouth is open, you're disgusting, what the fuck you eat for lunch?

A bunch of sweets or something? What, you munch a bunch of Crunch 'n Munch?

Your tooth is rotten to the gum, your breath stinks, wanna chew some gum?

Yes I do sir, what am I on? You sir, are on truth serum

"Marshall I'm so jealous of you, please say you won't tell nobody

I'd be so embarrassed, I'm just absolutely terrified

That someone's gonna find out why I'm saying all these terrible

Evil and awful mean things, it's my own insecurities!"

[Hook]

You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things about me

'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me

'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see

You're really just a big weenie, big weenie

[Verse 3]

Alright now we, we're going to conduct

That experiment that we were talking about earlier

Just to see what a frog looks like when it takes two hits of ecstasy

'Cause that's exactly what your eyes look like, wanna check to see?

Here's a mirror, notice the resemblance here?

Wait, let me put these sunglasses on, now look in this mirror

How about now? What do you have in common?

You're both green with envy and look like idiots with sunglasses on 'em

You look like I sound like singing about weenies

Now take my weenie out of your mouth

This is between me and you, I know you're not happy

I know you'd much rather see me lying in the corner of a room

Somewhere crying, curled up in a ball tweaked

Out of my mind dying, there's no denying

That my weenie is much bigger than yours is

Mine is like sticking a banana between two oranges

Why you even doing this to yourself, it's pointless

Why do we have to keep on going through this, this is torturous

My point is this: that if you say mean things

Your weenie will shrink, now I forgot what the chorus is, you're just as

[Hook]

You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do

So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say

All kinds of really mean things about me

'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie

But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me

'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot

When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see

You're really just a big weenie, big weenie

[Outro]

Fuck off my dick!