[VERONICA:]
September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary:
I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year!
And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?
[KIDS:]
Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
[VERONICA:]
We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
[KIDS:]
Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
[VERONICA:]
Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
[KIDS:]
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!
[VERONICA:]
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
Oh, Sorry!
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school:
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
[KIDS:]
White trash!
[VERONICA:]
College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again
We can be beautiful...
[VERONICA:]
Just not today
Hey, are you okay?
[HIPSTER DORK:]
Get away, nerd
[VERONICA:]
Oh, okay
[KIDS:]
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!
[VERONICA:]
Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés
[RAM:]
Watch it!
[VERONICA:]
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
[RAM:]
Ooooops
[VERONICA:]
Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick
[RAM:]
What did you say to me, skank?
[VERONICA:]
Aah, nothing!
[VERONICA:] But I know, I know... [KIDS:] I know, I know...
[VERONICA:] Life can be beautiful [KIDS:] Beautiful
[VERONICA:] I pray, I pray [KIDS:] I pray, I pray
[VERONICA:] For a better way [KIDS:] For a better way
[VERONICA:] We were kind before; [KIDS:] Oooh...
[VERONICA:] We can be kind once more [KIDS:] Oooh...
[VERONICA:] We can be beautiful... [KIDS:] Oooh... Beautiful...
[VERONICA:]
Agh!... Hey Martha
[MARTHA:]
Hey
[VERONICA:]
Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers
[MARTHA:]
We on for movie night?
[VERONICA:]
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail
[MARTHA:]
I rented "The Princess Bride."
[VERONICA:]
Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
[MARTHA:]
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending
[KURT:]
Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!
[KURT:]
Hahaaa!
[VERONICA:]
Kurt Kelly. Quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
[KURT:]
Haha! Alriiight!
[VERONICA:]
Hey! Pick that up! Right now!
[KURT:]
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
[VERONICA:]
Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant
[KURT:]
...You have a zit right there...
[VERONICA:]
Dear diary:
Why...
[HIPSTER DORK:]
Why do they hate me?
[REPUBLICAN GIRL:]
Why don't I fight back?
[KURT:]
Why do I act like such a creep?
[VERONICA:]
Why...
[MARTHA:]
Why won't he date me?
[RAM:]
Why did I hit him?
[STONER CHICK, MS. FLEMING & BLOW-DRIED PREPPY:]
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
[VERONICA:]
Why...
[KIDS:]
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
[KIDS & VERONICA:]
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope, here!
Something to live for!
[KIDS:]
Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
[VERONICA:]
And then there's the Heathers. They float above it all
[KIDS:]
I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded—he sells engagement rings
[KIDS:]
I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants
[KIDS:]
I want Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
And Heather Chandler, the Almighty
She is a mythic bitch
[KIDS:]
I need Heather, Heather...
[VERONICA:]
They're solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that
[KIDS:]
Mmmm...
[HIPSTER DORK:]
I'd like to be their boyfriend
[KIDS:]
That would be beautiful...
Mmmm...
[STONER CHICK:]
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me
[KIDS:]
So beautiful...
Ooooh...
[MARTHA:]
I'd like them to be nicer
[KIDS:]
That would be beautiful...
Ooooh...
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Yeah, Heather. Maybe I should
[MS. FLEMING:]
Ah, Heather and Heather
...and Heather. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her
[MS. FLEMING:]
Not without a hall pass, you're not. Week's detention
[VERONICA:]
Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee
[MS. FLEMING:]
...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?
[VERONICA:]
Uh... Veronica Sawyer. I crave a boon
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
What boon?
[VERONICA:]
Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes
[HEATHER DUKE:]
How about prescriptions?
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Shut up, Heather
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Sorry, Heather
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
And ya know, ya know, ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush;
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Make her beautiful...
Okay?
[VERONICA:]
Okay!
[KURT:]
Out of my way, geek!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
I don't want trouble..
[RAM:]
You're gonna die at 3pm!
[REPUBLICANETTE & NEW WAVE GIRL:]
Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
What did I ever do to them?
[KIDS:]
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
[MS. FLEMING:]
Who's that with Heather?
[KIDS:]
Whoa
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[NEW WAVE GIRL:]
And someone!
[KIDS:]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[GOWAN & COACH:]
And a babe!
[KIDS:]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[MARTHA:]
Veronica?!
[KIDS:]
Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?!
[VERONICA:]
And you know, you know, you know
Life can be beautiful
([KIDS:] Aaahhh! Beautiful!)
You hope, you dream, you pray
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels
([KIDS:] Beautiful!)
Lookin' like hell on wheels...
My God, it's beautiful!
([KIDS:] Aaahhh! Beautiful!)
I might be beautiful...
([KIDS:] Beautiful!)
And when you're beautiful...
It's a beautiful frickin' day!
[KIDS:]
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!