Arose

[Part I: Arose]

If I could rewind time like a tape

Inside a boombox, one day for every pill or Percocet that I ate

Cut down on the Valium, I'da heard everything

But death is turning so definite—wait!

They got me all hooked up to some machine

I love you, Bean, didn't want you to know I was struggling

Feels like I'm underwater submerged like a submarine

Just heard that nurse say, my liver and kidneys aren't functioning

Been flirtatious with death, skirt-chasing, I guess

It's arrivederci, same nurse, just heard say they're unplugging me

And it's your birthday, Jade, I'm missing your birthday

Baby girl, I'm sorry, I fucking hate when you hurt, Hai

And sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts

But, girls, you can just open 'em

Dad ain't making it home for Christmas

Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss

I go to make a fist, but I can't make one, I'm frozen stiff

I yell, but nothing comes out, I'm crying inside, I shout

My vocal cords won't permit me, I scream, but it's not aloud

You put your arm around Momma to calm her, wow

I just thought about the aisle I'll never get to walk us down

Never see you graduate in your caps and gowns

It's 'bout to be 2008, how's this happening now?

I've got so much more to do

And, Proof, I'm truly sorry if I let you down, but this tore me in two

The thought of no more me and you

You gave me shoes, Nikes like new for me for school

Doody, I'm trying, but you, you were the glue that binded

So many things—time, I'd give anything to rewind it

I had to walk down my halls and constantly be reminded

By pictures all on my walls and I couldn't sleep at night 'cause

That image burned in my brain of you on that table

Me falling across your body, not able to stand to save you

God, why did you take him?

I'm tryna keep his legacy alive, but I'm dying, where's Nathan?

Little ladies, be brave, take care of your mother

Smile pretty for pictures, always cherish each other

I'll always love ya, and I'll be in the back of your memory

And I know you'll never forget me

Just don't get sad when remembering

And, little bro, keep making me proud

You better marry that girl 'cause she's faithfully down

And when you're exchanging those sacred vows

Just know that if I could be there, I would

And should you ever see parenthood, I know you'll be good at it

Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too

I actually learned a lot from you

You taught me what not to do

And, Mom, wish I'd have had the chance

To have one last heart-to-heart honest and open talk with you

Doody, I see you, I go to walk to you

And I can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room

Nurses lean over the bed, pulling tubes out

Then the sheet over my head, shut the room down

Girls, please don't get upset

I see them cheeks soaking and wet

As you squeeze hold of my neck, so forcibly, don't wanna let

Me go, pillow drenched, emotional wrecks

With every second, each closer to death

But suddenly I feel my heart begin to beat slow

Then a breath, machines go (*beep beep beep*)

Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit

I'm tryna rewind time like a tape

Find an escape, make a beeline, try and awake

From this dream, I need to re-find my inner strength

To remind me, even if a steep climb I must take

To rewrite a mistake, I'm rewinding the tape

[Part II: Castle Extended]

(I don't want it!)

I'll put out this last album, then I'm done with it

One hundred percent finished, fed up with it

I'm hanging it up, fuck it!

Excuse the cursing, baby, but just know

That I'm a good person, though they portray me as cold

And if things should worsen, but I bet you they won't

I'm pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet

Shred these old letters I wrote

All that old pathetic loathing, closing credits can roll

I'm proud to be back

I'm 'bout to, like a rematch, outdo Relapse

With Recovery, Mathers LP2

Help propel me to victory laps

Gas toward 'em and fast forward the past

Consider them last four minutes as

The song I'da sang to my daughters

If I'da made it to the hospital less than 2 hours later, but I fought it

And came back like a boomerang on 'em

Now a new day is dawnin'

I'm up, Tuesday, it's mornin'—now I know

Toilet flush