Adelaide's Lament lyrics

The average unmarried female

Basically insecure

Due to some long frustration

May react

With psychosomatic symptoms

Difficult to endure

Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words

Just from waiting around

For that plain little band of gold

A person can develop a cold

You can spray her

Wherever you figure the strep-o-coccid lurk

You can give her a shot for whatever she got

But it just won't work

If she's tired of getting the fish-eye

From the hotel clerk

A person can develop a cold

It says here

The female remaining single

Just in the legal sense

Shows a neurotic tendency

See note, Note

Chronic organic syndromes

Toxic or hyper tense

Involving the eye, the ear, and the nose, and throat.

In other words

Just from wondering whether the wedding is on or off

A person can develop a cough

You can feed her all day with the Vitamin A

And the bromo fizz

But the medicine never gets anywhere

Near where the trouble is

If she's getting a kind of a name for herself

And the name ain't "his"

A person can develop a cough

And further more

Just from stalling and stalling

And stalling the wedding trip

A person can develop La Grippe

When they get on the train for Niagara

And she can hear church bells chime

The compartment is air conditioned

And the mood sublime

Then they get off at Saratoga

For the 14th time

A person can develop La Grippe

La Grippe, La post nasal drip

With the wheezes and the sneezes

And a sinus that's really a pip

From the lack of community property

And a feeling she's getting too old

A person can develop a big, bad, cold!