A Million Ways to Die In the West

Cowboys and pioneers, come lend your eyes and ears

I've got the need to testify

Don't try to fill your nest out in the open west

'cuz there's a million ways to die

Six bullets in the gut or just a paper cut

...too many ways to quantify

They'll cut your ankle off to cure a minor cough

'cuz there's a million ways to die

A million ways to die

It's a hundred and one in the shade of the sun

If you fall asleep, you fry

A million ways to die

You can live like a saint but there just really ain't

No avoiding a million ways to die

A million ways to die

Smallpox and bigger pox, and deadly tomahawks

...or God forbid you steal a pie

They'll blast you into shards for bein' good at cards

'cuz there's a million ways to die

Out on the desert plains it hardly ever rains

And you can hear coyotes cry

They'll eat you up and then they'll crap you out again

'cuz there's a million ways to die

A million ways to die

With a whoosh and a whack there's a knife in your back

'cuz you got a fancy tie...

A million ways to die

It's a kick in the pants but you don't have a chance

Of escaping a million ways to die

A million ways to die