A DYING BUSINESS lyrics

Spoken:

Funeral Directors of America, I am very deeply honored standing here;

Receiving this token of your esteem, "The Funeral Director of the Year."

Now I've been asked by all the delegates--and members of the board,

To tell you of the funeral that won me this award.

It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it;

And I'm sure it will take the family twenty years to pay for it!

Chorus:

It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral

The finest fun'ral ever booked:

I had some high school juniors who passed around petunial

And lilies everywhere you looked.

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

Oh, how I wish that you were there;

I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets

It really was a lively affair

It really was a lively affair.

It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral

The national guard showed up for me;

And during the oration, they went into formation

And formed the letters R.I.P.

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

I gave it all my loving care;

The band was on its toes playing "Mexicali Rose",

It really was a lively affair.

It really was a lively affair.

A tisket a tasket, Tell us about the casket

Spoken:

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends

It would-a made your poor eyes pop

It was sterling silver all around and a real formica top.

(Formica top, it had a formica top).

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends,

The widow was in navy blue

With a gown designed by Balenciaga, I supplied that too.

(He sold the widow widow's weeds too).

I held the first funeral raffle, though I don't much like to boast

And I gave away a Chevrolet to the person who cried the most.

(He gave away a brand new Chevrolet). I won it myself!

There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art

And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hoot-e-nanny start.

(He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun).

I was serving beer and pretzels, 'til the hot pastrami came;

And I sold some souvenir hankies with the dear departed's name.

(He was sellin' hankies with the dear departed's name).

As a fitting finale we had the Rockettes from New York's Music Hall;

As you can see, my very good friends

All in all, all in all:

Sung:

It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral

No other burial could compare;

It was all done up deluxe 'n' I made forty thousand bucks,

It really was a lively affair. It really was a swingin' affair