Stewie: Now everybody gather 'round and listen if you would.
When I tell you every person needs a way of feeling good.
Every kitty needs a ball of string and every dog a stick.
Stewie/Brian: But all you need is a bag of weed to really get a kick.
All: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, Everything is better with a bag of weed
It's the only hope that you'll ever need
'Cause Everything is better with a bag of weed
Stewie: There you go, you're all getting it now.
Group: When Texas people want to feel good,
Stewie: They go assault a queer.
Group: When stupid people need a thrill,
Stewie: They rent The Rocketeer.
Group: When Michael Jackson needs a rush,
Stewie: He humps a guy like me.
Group: Right!
All: But all we need is a bag of weed,
To keep us worry free...
One, two, three, Ho!
A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
Oh, you don't need meth, and you don't need speed
'Cause everything is better with a bag of weed
Stewie: Have a go, Brian.
Brian: As Mr. H.L. Mencken said, "The common man's a fool".
Stewie: And just like Helen Keller said, "doof roo gee ba bool."
Brian: But try and use your heads, and don't buy into all the fear.
All: Hey!
'Cause all we need is a bag of weed
To make us wanna cheer!
And one, two!
A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
You can try and fight but we're all agreed
Because everything is better with a bag of weed
(interlude)
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
And one, two, three, four, and a five, and a six, and a seven! Ho!
A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
You're a happy guy when you plant the seed
Because everything is better with a bag, of... weed!
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed!