Mauvaise foi nocturne [English translation]

Fatal: Yes, who's there?

Vitoo: Fatal, it's Vitoo, let me in…

Fatal: You ok Vitoo? You don't look right. What's up? Well, you seen it? (catchphrase).

Vitoo: No I'm not ok, no.

Fatal: So tell me, go on, what's up? Don't be such a whore...

Vitoo: Fatal, sit down, I must talk to you,

I've spent all night drinking,

Fatal, I don't feel her, I dunno, she doubts me…

Fatal: But Vitoo stop, you know your woman loves you, she told me:

You know with Vitoo confidence reigns, and he's my little profiterole…

(lit. cabbage with the cream)

You musn't panic, I swear to you

Your woman's cool, your woman's good,

Vitoo, you f*** tonnes and she doesn't suspect anything, she's too stupid!

Vitoo: No but what do you know about it huh?!

It's been two months since she scared me so…

Fatal: Really?!

Vitoo: She checks my messages every quarter of an hour,

Fatal: Change your PIN code!

Vitoo: She's got inside my answer machine. My woman's become someone else, yeah!

Fatal: But, you're sure of yourself? You have proof x3?

Vitoo: She's becoming bizarre, every night she has me followed by her brother Denis

Who has even planned to break my mouth on Tuesday

It’s become agonising, a real nightmare,

I’m so scared of her, in the evenings I sleep in a hotel!

Fatal: She doesn’t understand (lit. she’s off the mark), you love to get to know other birds/chicks…

All the weird stuff, the plans for 3, and what sluts!

All your bulls*** for 5 to 7, no worries?

You’ve got a python in your undies, Vitoo, you’re a real chaser of women.

Vitoo: But I love you

Fatal: There you are, tell her!

Vitoo: Excuse-me

Fatal: Yes that’s good that!

Vitoo: It only happened 16 times

Fatal: Erm, no, don’t say that!

Vitoo: But I don’t know if I’ll take to only sleeping with her!

Fatal: Ok you’re not thinking straight

Give me the keys, tonight we’re going to party

Slut, I don’t believe it, slap me

She’s scratched your BMW, she’s ruined your BMW

She’s even sh***ed on the seat,

F*** it, it’s mine!

Vitoo: Excuse me…

Fatal: But why’s she wrecked (lit. farted) my car?

Vitoo: I didn’t dare

Fatal: You didn’t dare tell her what?

Vitoo: That it was yours

Fatal: Well mine…I borrowed it, you saw!

Vitoo: I didn’t want to take her out in a Renault 4!

Fatal: Come on, let’s go,

Vitoo: But why?

Fatal: Because she’s going to pay me back for that abuse!

Vitoo: I’m not so sure

Fatal: You must speak to her my good man!

Vitoo: That makes me need to vomit

Fatal: Bah open the glove box them

Vitoo: I shouldn’t have tried fish in the cocktail!

Fatal: Go on knock! No… knock I said!

Meuf de Vitoo: Alright 12 seconds, I’m coming…

Fatal: Go on

Vitoo: But what have you done?

Why all this violence, I’ve done nothing to you?

Fatal: Yeh, tell her!

Vitoo: I swear, this girl, I don’t know what she was doing at my house

!

Fatal: Huh ?

Vitoo: Anyways, I wasn’t there, or at least it wasn’t me…

Fatal: Not that!

Vitoo: Because I was taking my dog out!

Fatal: Oh là là !

Meuf de Vitoo: Your dog died 3 years ago, go on, clear off

Vitoo: Not that, because actually she went out because…

Fatal: But shut up my friend!

And you, mother Thérésa, please calm down!

You’re as tense as a string… Fart a bit!

The BMW was mine!

Also, you didn’t know, but I borrowed it from my mum…

So shut up, you as well

The poor dude did it in his undies, s*** !

Your weaknesses don’t interest me; go on keep them for your mum…

Oh… Why are you hitting me, something wrong?!

You’re not a woman, you a ninja or what ?

S*** I’m scared (lit. I have livers), let’s p*** off, come on Vitoo !

Vitoo: Hurry up

Fatal: Pass me the keys to the car!

Vitoo: Let me in.

Fatal: Climb aboard, we’ll be safe.

Vitoo: You know I’m scared.

Fatal: She knows free-fight or what?

Vitoo: She’s even capable of finishing me off with a spade.

Vitoo: No but she’s dreaming!

She’s forcing me to do the washing up,

She wants me to take out the bins,

But what the hell am I going to do with her!

Fatal: But what the hell are you going to do with her, you seen it (catchphrase)?

Vitoo: But what the hell am I going to do with her!

Fatal: But what the hell am I going to do with her na na calmly yeah man tac tac bang bang raise your arms raise your arms yeah yeah pump it up!

Vitoo: Oh, what you doing there?

Fatal: What? What’s up? I love the vibes! It’s good, f*** you (go bugger yourself)!

Fatal: It’s true, it’s not me that has to tolerate her friends

Beware, beware of the routine, the tampax in the kitchen.

Bah yeah she pisses with the door open, she doesn’t shave under her arms any more.

Yes but with women, it’s also like that Vitoo, don’t dispair.

Look at me with all the women that I’ve known

I couldn’t any more

Then love hit me.

I gave up on the little asses

Because I was the nympho-man, the biggest ladies man in Panam.

My ex wound up on drugs, I had to call for urgent social and medical aid.

My life was f***ing the sluts of Paris

Then in the bunch, as you know yourself, were a load of transvestites

But look at me today, I’ve pulled up my flies.

There’s more to life than arse, Vitoo, get that into your head.

Vito: But what are you getting at now?

You mean you’re no longer a man and you walk straight?

Fatal: Stop!

Vitoo: That you stay in at night when she’s not there?

Fatal: Yeah of course!

Vitoo: And your third leg?

Fatal: What?

Vitoo: Since when did she stop laying down the law in your life?

Fatal: Stop… what are you doing there?

Vitoo: Are you sure you’re faithful?

Fatal: But yes of course!

Vitoo: Can I check your e-mails?

Fatal: Yeah!

Vitoo: And your external hard disk?

Fatal: Same!

Vitoo: Search your Bluetooth ?

Click on your motherboard ?

Take apart your webcam?

Enter your minitel?

If you’re sure of yourself,

Fatal: Yeah bah what bah what?!

Vitoo: So give me your telephone, we’ll listen to your answer machine, and then we’ll see

Fatal: But stop there, you’re tired, you’re spiteful,

Give me my telephone, what you doing?

Vitoo: I’m gonna do it for you,

Fatal: No stop, you don’t spy on people like that!

Vitoo: Your number my friend,

Fatal: Hang up, hang up!

Vitoo: I’m gonna do it for you,

Fatal: You’re gonna make trouble for yourself, i’m gonna get the carjack, the tear gas, watch out!

Fatal’s answer machine

“Yeah of course you’re on Mika’s answerphone, drop a message after the beep, because if you leave it before, bah it won’t work...”

“Enter your password and finish with touze”

Vitoo: Touze !

Fatal’s answer machine

“You have 2600 new messages, remember to archive ”

“Received yesterday at 22:51: Yeah it’s Profanation Fonky, well or well?…”

“ Received yesterday at 22:61 : Yeah baby, it’s Vitoo’s mum, it’s been an hour, I already miss you. I miss you, I miss you!

Oh là là what have you done to me! Roll on tomorrow! Lots of kisses or you know…”

Fatal: So that’s fine. You good? Calmed down now? Gonna shut your mouth?!

Vitoo: Fatal get ready, I must speak to you

You ‘re gonna spend the night in the dark…

Shouted

Because I’m gonna blind you!!!