Abdul Abulbul Amir [Explicit version] lyrics

The harems of Egypt are fine to behold

And the harlots are lovely and fair

But the fairest, a Greek, was wed to a sheikh

Called Abdul Abulbul Amir.

A travelling brothel came into the town

'Twas run privately by the Tsar

Who wagered a buck that no-one could out-fuck

Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.

The peasants did shout

The announcement came out

In an ad in the Gulf Gazeteer

And plunged into debt

To get in their bet

On Abdul Abulbul Amir

For Abdul would ride

With his bride by his side

His face all flushed with desire

He had it decried

That he could out-ride

Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

It was only the Jews

Who wagered he'd lose

They believed that the prince was a queer

But the rest of the Persians

Would believe no perversions

Of Abdul Abulbul Amir

Count Ivan agreed

Prince Abdul agreed

To compete in the city's bazaar

Ten merchants were shot to secure a clear spot

For Abdul and Ivan Skavar

A day was arranged for the spectacle great

'Twas agreed on by Sultan and Tsar

And the streets were all lined with harlots entwined

'Round Abdul and Ivan Skavar

The Sultan rode by with a wide open fly

Expecting the harlots to cheer

But all eyes were fixed

On the two massive pricks

Of Ivan and Abdul Amir

Tsar Petrovich too

Attended the do

With a telescope watched from afar

While one of his band wanked him off in the sand

As a tribute to Ivan Skavar

They stood at the track with their cocks hanging slack

The starter's gun punctured the air

Both were quick on the rise, the crowd gaped at the size

Of Ivan and Abdul Amir

The harlots were shorn

No Frenchies were worn

Abdul's arse revved up like a car

But he couldn't compete

With the slow steady beat

Of Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

Now Ivan had won and was cleaning his gun

And bent down to polish his pair

When he felt something pass

Up his big hairy arse

'Twas Abdul Abulbul Amir

The harlots turned green, the men shouted 'Queen!'

They were ordered apart by the Tsar

Twas bloody bad luck, for Abdul was stuck

Up Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

They needed a crane

A tow truck and chain

To rescue the unfortunate queer

Ivan said in a huff

'I've had quite enough

Of Abdul Abulbul Amir!'

Now the cream of the joke

It came when they broke

'Twas laughed at for years by the Shah

For Abdul the fool

Had left half of his tool

In the arse of Skavinsky Skavar

Upon Persian men

Old Abdul ranks high

Best ran 'neath the pale Southern star

For he shagged to a standstill

The pride of the East

Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar

The sad Grecian maiden her long vigil keeps

With a husband whose tastes have turned queer

With the nights growing long, she longs for the dong

Of Abdul Abulbul Amir

The moral, my friend

Of this pitiful end

Is plain for all to hear

When seeking your bit

Don't get stuck in the shit

Like Abdul Abulbul Amir...