[Not] Getting Married Today lyrics

Mercedes:

Bless this day

Pinnacle of life

Husband joined to wife

The heart leaps up to behold

This golden day

Will:

Emma, I can't find my shoes

Today is for Emma

Emma, I give you the rest of my life

To cherish and to keep you

To honor you forever

Today is for Emma

My happily soon-to-be wife

Emma, we're really getting married!

Emma:

Pardon me

Is everybody there?

Because if everybody's there

I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding

I'd appreciate your going even more

I mean you must have lots of better things to do

And not a word of this to Will

Remember Will, you know, the man I'm gonna marry

But I'm not

Because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is

But I thank you all

For the gifts and the flowers

Thank you all

Now it's back to the showers

Don't tell Will

But I'm not getting married today

Mercedes:

Bless this day

Tragedy of life

Husband yoked to wife

The heart sinks down and feels dead

This dreadful day

Will:

Emma, I can't find my good cuff-links

Emma:

They're on the dresser

Right next to my suicide note

Listen, everybody, look

I don't know what you're waiting for

A wedding, what's a wedding

It's a prehistoric ritual

Where everybody promises fidelity forever

Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of

Which is followed by a honeymoon

Where suddenly he'll realize

He's settled with a nut

And wanna kill me, which he should

So, thanks a bunch

But I'm not getting married

Go have lunch

'Cause I'm not getting married

You've been grand

But I'm not getting married

Don't just stand there

I'm not getting married

And don't tell Will

But I'm not getting married today

Go, can't you go?

Why is nobody listening?

Goodbye

Go and cry

At another person's wake

If you're quick

For a kick

You could pick

Up a Christening

But please

On my knees

There's a human life at stake!

Listen everybody

I'm afraid you didn't hear

Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you

It isn't only Will, who may be ruining his life

You know we'll both of us be losing our identities

I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to see him Monday

But by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage

I'm not well

So I'm not getting married

You've been swell

But I'm not getting married

Clear the hall

'Cause I'm not getting married

Thank you all

But I'm not getting married

And don't tell Will

But I'm not getting married today

Mercedes:

Bless this bride

Totally insane

Slipping down the drain

And bless this day in our hearts

As it starts to rain

Will:

Today is for Emma

Emma (Will):

Go, can't you go?

Look, you know (Emma)

I adore you all (I give you)

But why (The rest of)

Watch me die (My life)

Like Eliza on the ice? (To cherish)

Look, perhaps (And to keep you)

I'll collapse

In the apse

Right before you all

So take (To honor you)

Back the cake (Forever)

Burn the shoes and boil the rice (Today is for Emma)

Look, I didn't wanna have to tell you (My happily)

But I may be coming down with Hepatitis (Soon-to-be)

And I think I'm gonna faint (Wife)

So if you wanna see me faint

I'll do it happily (My adorable)

But wouldn't it be funnier to go and watch a funeral (Wife)

So thank you for the twenty-seven dinner plates

Thirty-seven butter knives

Forty-seven paperweights

Fifty-seven candle holders

Will:

One more thing

Emma:

I am not getting married!

Mercedes with wedding guests:

Amen!

Will:

Softly said

Emma:

But I'm not getting married!

Mercedes with wedding guests:

Amen!

Will:

With this ring

Emma:

Still I'm not getting married!

Mercedes with wedding guests:

Amen!

Will:

I thee wed

Emma:

See, I'm not getting married!

Mercedes with wedding guests:

Amen!

Emma and Will:

Let us pray

Will (Emma):

That we are getting married (That I'm not getting married)

Emma and Will with Wedding Guests:

Today!