The Hole in the Elephant's Bottom lyrics

I wanted to go on the stage

And now my ambitions I've got 'em

Now in pantomime I'm all the rage

I'm the hole in the elephant's bottom

Now I don't have to learn any words

There's no script to get quickly forgotten

If you're looking for me come and look

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

Oh, the audience think me a wit

As they sit in the stalls I can spot 'em

And I wink at the girls in the pit

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

There are pockets inside in the cloth

For bottles of beer if you've got 'em

The audience laugh as I blow off the froth

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

My landlady packs up my meals

One day I went out and forgot 'em

So now every day she feeds me with buns

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

Now the eyes they are made of brown glass

Ventilation's completely forgotten

But you'd be surprised at the wind that can pass

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

There were two little kids in the stalls

And I could have cheerfully shot 'em

Throughout the whole show they kept shooting dried peas

At the hole in the elephant's bottom

We played for the Royal Command

Their majesties, I could just spot 'em

And the National Anthem sounds grand

Through the hole in the elephant's bottom

Some may think that this story is good

And some may believe that it's rotten

But if you're one of those, you can go shove your nose

Up the hole in the elephant's bottom