120107 [Opintomatkalla] [English translation]

I've never enjoyed myself in any fucking lockers, I didn't know what it was but something about strict limits gets me nervious

You are this and you are that and not that many question their locker, because without one you don't have a place

Tabula rasa, fucking take a pile of pills! Lost, in safety I grow over the limits, no more small minded people. I can't fit there. It's shit.

You tell me you're lost and a worse snitch comes to mock, to laugh at your broken pieces, fuck I first thought I'll kill him there and then. I notices that I looked at myself before, and I realized that this dude understands fucking nothing. Fucking schoolyard bullies, I'm not good enough for you. In this cold air there's no space to grow.

It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.

I remember when I first found a conscience. What are these bitching feelings? I thought I was gay. "What the fuck do you care about those, you beat them like before, or are you a bitch?" We've gotten here from those times, I remember getting wasted in the park, some stayed to do drugs like some macho men. I ran away from home, when I came back I realized it was never my home. I look at a grown up little kid, if I had stayed I'd be there. Broken, put together from pieces, bloody and sweaty from growing pains. It's so simple but hard to understand, to dig from under the shitty feeling. You would support me when I break, I'd support you when you break, and we would be just fine

It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.

From weakness we travel to strength, from strength to sickness. Matti is worried, asking if it's normal, scared. Normal is an average value, Matti, Do you want to be average, Matti? To be good enough for others when you're not even good enough for others, to not judge anybody, it could be you. So many times I've had to hold on to the bed so that I wouldn't jump from the balcony into hell. I pay for the trauma I've caused, I don't even dare to go to the class meetings. Not even mentioning the little princesses that I ruined on the way. Some higher power could throw into my brain some storms, after them I'll be happy that I'm even standing up, I'll hug the homeless and stop bullying gays, give empathy to junkies, people pushed down, people opressed.

It would be nice to hurt someone who hurts others, but I swore I wouldn't hurt anymore. You see that everything is not ok, you should open your arms and not hurt anymore. He who loses himself finds himself. It's always easy to point, satan, but you seem to be on a study trip too.