Calomel lyrics

Ye doctors all of every rank

With their long hills that break the bank,

Of wisdom's learning, art, and skill

Seems all composed of calomel.

Since calomel has been their toast,

How many patients have they lost,

How many hundreds have they killed,

Or poisoned with their calomel.

lf any fatal wretch be sick

Go call the doctor, haste, be quick,

The doctor comes with drop and pill

But don't forget his calomel.

He enters, by the bed he stands,

He takes the patient hy the hand,

Looks wise, sits down his pulse to feel

And then takes out his calomel.

Next, turning to the patient's wite,

He calls for paper and a knife.

" l think your husband would do well

To take a dosc ol calomel."

The man grows worse, grows bad indeed

" Go call the doctor, ride with speed."

The doctor comes, the wife to tell

To double the dose of calomel.

The man begins in death to groan,

The fatal job for him is done,

The soul must go to heaven or hell,

A sacrifice to calomel.

The doctors of the present day

Mind not what an old woman say,

Nor do they mind me when l tell

I am no friend to calomel.

Well, if I must resign my breath,

Pray let me die a natural death

And if I must bid all farewell,

Don't hurry me with calomel.