Meiecundimees üks Korsakov läks eile Lätti [English translation]

a man from our area one Korsakov went to Latvia yesterday1

he was peculating 2 3 tonnes, broke his leg bone

a man from our area one Korsakov got hit into his snot

he was unfortunate, broke his nasal bone

a man from our area one Korsakov was eating fresh cucumbers

stuck a thumb into his eye, now his thumb bone is broken

a man from our area one Korsakov, he was lifting a closet

he shouldn´t have lifted, now his thigh bone has broken

a man from our area one Korsakov, he saw a hoodlum,

wanted to give a call to the cops, broke his chin bone

a man from our area one Korsakov, he was looking at the stars

a shame that he looked, his neck bone broke in two

a man from our area one Korsakov went to a shop yesterday

came home in a wheelchair, broke his leg bone

a man from our area one Korsakov, he was smoking

he got dizzy, fell down and shin bone´s broken3

a man from our area one Korsakov, he was putting a cast on

he thought, a simple job and right away broke his carpal bone

a man from our area one Korsakov jacked off yesterday4

he did it(=hit) strongly, broke his pelvis in two

a man from our area one Korsakov brought a/his Mrs home

he shouldn´t have brought, it/she broke his finger bone

a man from our area one Korsakov went into water during winter

he didn´t come out any more, probably some bone is broken

a strongman´s life isn´t easy at all

1. or was going2. the first meanings have sth to do with squares, granite-blocks and boards-planks... and it looks like kandis= s/he carried; but we all probably think that he swindled money away3. it´s the most problematic line of this translation; word for word, "head went around he-fell down broken shin-bone", the problem comes from how there are two phrasal verbs mixed, 'maha kukkuma' (to fall down) and 'katki kukkuma' (to fall so that sth 'about' the faller breaks), they don´t reconcile very well; maybe... "fell down and broke"4. or was jacking